Dating & Marriage

Choosing a church with my fiancé

My fiancé and I grew up in different Methodist churches and both of us serve actively in our churches. We are struggling to decide which church to attend after marriage. Both of us have our own community and ministry so it is really difficult for us to decide which church to attend. Can you advise us on how to decide and what factors we should consider?


At The Well

Li Ping says

Dear kopi,

Some factors to consider: (1) Do either of you sense the call to continue the work in any of your existing ministries or communities? A couple I know stayed in one church in order to continue reaching out to seeker friends in that church’s cell group. (2) What future ministry do you sense a calling to serve in as a couple? (3) How would the adjustment to the new community be for the one needing to make the change? (4) Which community would you want to raise your future children in?

Take turns to visit each other’s churches (or even a third!) for a season as you discern. Consult with mature Christians in either of your churches or one outside of your current communities who can provide wise, unbiased counsel.

The undergirding principle is where you both sense God calling you to, which may or may not align with your human reasoning. My husband and I felt called to go to his Methodist home church despite us both preferring my church in another denomination. It was only later, when I heard the call to become a Methodist pastor, that I realised that one reason I was called out of my previous denomination was because it did not ordain women.