Dating & Marriage

Choosing the right person to marry

I am quite confused about how to discern whether a person is the right person for me. What signs might God provide to help us better discern whether we are compatible with others?

Mr E

At The Well

Benny says

Dear Mr E,

Choosing the right person is often associated with the possibility of having a good marriage and a happier life. However, this is only partially true. A good marriage is also about being the Right Person for your spouse. It is also learning how to make the couple combination between you and your partner work well.

Begin with knowing your needs and expectations. Needless to say, it is also important to keep your needs realistic. Expecting someone to always know when and how to make you happy would be unrealistic.

Alignment of interests, values, lifestyle and life plans is another important ingredient. This discovery comes with having long and deep conversations over time. Along the way, if the relationship does not feel right, you can always reconsider. Do not feel forced into a relationship or feel that you have to “settle” for what you get.

When you think you’ve found the Right Person, introduce her to your good friends whose opinion you trust. The Right Person should look Right to others too. Get to know your potential in-laws as well because any marriage is about the joining of two families and not just two individuals.

Lastly, attending a marriage preparation course can help you confirm your choice and remind both parties that marriage is an institution with God in the centre.