I get pushback when I tell my friend that she has hurt my feelings

When I express that I am hurt by what my friend says or does, she usually denies it and instead says I’m accusing her or that I’m being abusive. But I’m just expressing how I feel. How do I handle this?


At The Well

Ai Jin says

Dear Lily,

There is nothing wrong with sharing your feelings. When you express your feelings to your friend, you simply want her to know how you’ve been hurt. What you hope for is that she would respond with empathy and see it from your point of view, so as not to do or say things to hurt you again. Unfortunately, your friend seems unwilling to listen and is defensive. You cannot control how your friend reacts and so if she refuses to acknowledge how her actions have hurt you, do seek out other friends who can provide you with support and understanding.