ONE OF THE SIGNS OF REAL FATHERLY LOVE is the presence of discipline. I had gone into the prison ministry thinking that many of the inmates must have adopted a criminal lifestyle as rebellion against harsh and demanding fathers.
I was surprised to discover that in more cases, the inmates’ fathers had been overly indulgent or simply neglecting and absent. Evidence seemed to show that the lack of discipline had more damaging consequences than the excess of it.
I have observed that prisoners are accustomed to having their way, and quick to make demands. Though under a strict regime, they continue to demand rights and privileges from prison officers, volunteers and family members. Self-restraint and the ability to be joyful in any situation is glaringly absent from many.
The writer to the Hebrews writes that God disciplines those whom He loves. He goes on to say that it is the illegitimate or unwanted children who do not receive discipline. A disciplined child is testimony of loving parents and guides.
Persons disciplined by God learn that being self-indulgent and demanding of their rights, far from bringing happiness, leads rather to destruction for others and themselves. ose who have learned self-restraint and patience are better at handling life’s obstacles.
The writer to the Romans writes that suffering produces patience, which in turn produces character and hope. I observed this truth among the prisoners.
Some years ago, we conducted a daily Bible class for a group of 17 men. Owing to scheduling difficulties, the men had to choose either to forgo their one hour of recreation two days out of five, or to forgo the Bible study sessions.
The one-hour recreation time was precious to prisoners, and when they learned that they would have to forfeit that for the Bible classes, they became very agitated. They turned to us not only for prayer, but to lobby the authorities for better options.
Much as the authorities tried, they could not change the tight schedules. We brought the news back to them, but also challenged them to accept deprivations and inconveniences as part of God’s loving discipline.
Over time, the men not only accepted the loss of recreation time, they sacrificed even more time to prepare for the lessons.
One inmate commented on behalf of the class, “One lesson I learned from this course is that it is all right not to get everything I want. The root cause of my persistent re-offending is that I always had to have my way. I have learned now that I can be happy not having my way.”
Discipleship in prison focuses on teaching inmates practical lessons on godly living under spartan prison conditions. For PFS staff and volunteers, we are constantly learning and being reminded that the way of love is not in rushing to meet the prisoners’ every request and expectation, but instead is best shown in gently helping them find contentment in their circumstances.
Often, that has led to prisoners and sometimes volunteers accusing us of being calloused and unhelpful. But we are learning that real love and concern is about caring for the ultimate welfare of those entrusted to us even when our intentions are misunderstood in the process.
Faith is, for us, believing that love must involve discipline even when it is not appreciated by those we love. Interestingly, I am learning to apply this as I strive to love my daughter through her teenage years.
