Dating & Marriage

Is using a private investigator the right thing to do?

My brother suspects that his wife is being unfaithful. He is thinking of engaging a private investigator to obtain proof of her infidelity. As a Christian, is this something that he should be doing? Wouldn’t it open the possibility of divorce, which is considered wrong?


At The Well

Benny says

Dear Magnum,

Whether your brother is a Christian or not, the first aim of any spouse should be to clarify their concerns. I believe that spouses need not wait till they have proof to raise the issue. If evidence is demanded, then I fear that the relationship is showing signs of serious deterioration.

Besides the cost of hiring a private investigator (PI) and the difficulty to obtain irrefutable evidence of an affair, the discovery that one is being investigated can cause the relationship to spiral further downward.

When my clients engage a PI, it is usually when previous attempts at raising such concerns were unfruitful or when there is serious consideration for a divorce. Clients may still hope to pressure the spouse to end the affair or else a divorce will follow. Even if it may result in the cessation of any extra-marital relationship, it may not result in a repair of the marriage.

Finally, if indeed there is an affair, this alone does not sound the “death knell” for the marriage. The willingness of both parties to work on salvaging the marriage is what finally determines its outcome. Till then, do encourage your brother to speak with his wife, and if no headway is made, perhaps it may be necessary to engage a trusted family member or friend.