Moving on from parents’ divorce

My parents divorced some years ago. I was already an adult when it happened. But till today, I struggle with feelings of betrayal, anger, disillusionment and sadness. I live my life in a constant attempt to escape from these feelings. My attempts at gaining closure by talking to my mother were met with, “You were grown up, don’t be so sensitive! / You shouldn’t be affected”, or it would end up in a huge argument. Henceforth, I kept everything to myself. When I think of old times, the tears still start to flow, like it happened yesterday. My mother has remarried, but I still pine daily for my parents and family to be reunited. I don’t want to live like this anymore. How do I move on?


At The Well

Ai Jin says

Dear Mary,

Perhaps you’ve hope that your mother could view things from your perspective and acknowledge the ways in which the divorce has impacted you. The outcome may seem futile, but the conversations with her have allowed you to put your sentiments across and are necessary for closure.

How do we define “moving on”? Perhaps it is personal healing and allowing time for the family to discover new ways to relate with one another. Your awareness and naming of feelings are the first steps which you have taken. It is in telling your story that you give yourself a chance to fully articulate your hurts, make sense of the betrayal and disillusionment, find release for the anger and pining, and seek consolation for the sadness as you grieve the loss of how family was before the divorce. Is there a trusted friend who can listen to and support you?

Some have found it helpful to journal, talk and pray to God. In laments of your pain and loss to God, may you receive healing, a renewed vision and restored capacity for acceptance of the situation, and regain joy in your life to fully engage in all relationships.