The message of sexual wholeness

Sexual wholeness is also sexual integrity. The Latin root of the word integrity” means “soundness” and “wholeness”.

Sexual integrity is expressing sexuality throughout life in a true, excellent, honest and pure way.

Many of us are familiar with the teaching of sexual purity and the emphasis on external rules. who created sex can become the God who says “Don’t”. In such teaching, there is an emphasis on the sexual ethic, often at the expense of the value of relationships. A spouse may have never cheated, not even  emotionally, but can relate mechanically instead of lovingly.

Such teaching also gives the idea that good Christians ‘don’t’ until the wedding night, when all of a sudden those good Christians should. But sexuality isn’t an on- off switch.

Maintaining sexual purity goes beyond moralism. Singles must rise above “What can I get away with and still be a virgin?” Instead, we must ask, What
must I do to become what I was intended to be?” For this reason, it’s helpful to understand the message of sexual wholeness.

Genesis 2 speaks of a twofold meaning of sexual wholeness. First, Genesis 2:7 articulates a holistic view of man. The human being is a sexual being and his or her sexuality is manifested in every aspect of human existence. For instance, a celibate  single lady is sexual. She thinks like a woman, prays as a woman, reacts as a woman and commits as a woman. To be human is to live as a sexual person.

Wholeness is about the whole person – spirit, soul, body and social; living in a healthy and positive way. When God created humankind, God declared it to be very good. Health is the ultimate design of God. Health in its fullest and most complete sense is wholeness. Scripture expresses this with the word shalom. This encompasses every aspect of health whether physical, emotional or spiritual, both for the individual and of the community.

Second, the man alone is incomplete. God says that this is “not good”. Thus begins the quest to satisfy this God-instilled hunger for wholeness. When Adam met Eve, he exclaims, “At last, I am whole! She is the complement of myself!” Sexual wholeness is a vision of sexual relationships governed by a lifelong covenant where we find our greatest freedom and joy. It is the delightful, bliss- filled peace that comes from being sexually complete.

Wholeness speaks to a state of being complete with nothing missing, broken, fragmented; all things together and functioning as they were designed; all the pieces in their place; all parts working at 100 per cent. We were created by God to create; to contribute; and to be whole. To be whole, we must be willing to address areas in our life that need attention, and change what must be changed to see growth and health.

Third, sexual wholeness is also sexual integrity. The Latin root of the word “integrity” means “soundness” and “wholeness”. Sexual integrity is expressing sexuality throughout life in a true, excellent, honest and pure way. This is thinking and behaving sexually in ways that honour and are fully integrated with our best and healthiest core values. This is living out our sexuality in God-respecting, self-respecting, and others-respecting ways.

God’s purpose is for His children to be sexually whole. His idea is for this process to begin the day the child is born to whole and empowered parents. These Word-based and Spirit-led parents are active role models and discerning mentors. They model and teach a complete theology based on God’s design for sexuality. Such children grow into sexually whole adults who marry into a covenant filled with the delights of intimate communion.

Our challenge is to embody, teach and uphold God’s vision of sexual wholeness.


Picture by Friday/

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Ben KC Lee is married to Dinah and they are parents to a pair of 18-year-old twins. Ben started out as an accountant and is now a bi-vocational minister. He has served as church planter and pastor for over 20 years. Ben currently serves as Head of Sexual Wholeness with Focus on the Family.