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What crosses are you bearing today?

Our cross can be an illness in various forms: physical, emotional or mental. It can also be unpleasant office colleagues or neighbours, work or financial crisis.

This month’s contribution was inspired by a conversation I had with a client recently. He was reflecting on a year gone by since he started receiving counselling with me. He struggled with feelings of inferiority, low self-esteem and also feeling that his parents favoured his younger brother over him.

His life brought more than its share of struggles. He felt that he was in the wrong position at work and that his superiors were dissatisfied with his work performance. At home, he and his wife were struggling to manage a child with special needs and a marital relationship that was unfulfilling. This toxic mix of issues often brewed over with irritability and sometimes explosive anger.

I wonder how many readers can identify with my client. Many of us would seek a way out of our difficulties even if it is fleeting. We occupy ourselves with hobbies and distract ourselves by watching television or playing mind-numbing computer games. Others seek to drown their anxieties with alcohol or self-medicate to get some peace of mind.

My client sought solace in Sunday sermons. He listened intensely, hoping for an explanation to his suffering. He would cling on to every glimmer of hope presented by the preacher. When testimonies of modern-day miracles were shared, he would go home buoyed, expecting that his salvation was just around the corner.

His euphoric feelings were temporary. The next unpleasant exchange with his parents or work colleagues would come like frigid water poured over him. The flame of hope he had would be quickly extinguished, leaving him empty and questioning God’s existence.

In one of our sessions, the verse Jesus gave to His disciples came into my mind, when He commanded them to “take up their cross daily and follow Me.” (Luke 9:23) As my client professed to be a Christian, I shared these words with him, confessing that I was not entirely sure what the words meant for him and how they could be applied to his situation. He was unsettled by what I shared.

I shared that whilst we often want our difficulties resolved, this may not happen even with the best of help available. Nevertheless, some help is available, and in various forms. For some, the help comes as an unexpected miraculous change; for others, it is in slow incremental improvements; and for still others, the help simply makes life more bearable. Perhaps this last form of help is available to each of us in the cross or crosses that we bear.

Our cross can be an illness in various forms: physical, emotional or mental. It can also be unpleasant office colleagues or neighbours, work or financial crisis. I am not suggesting we do nothing to improve our situation. Neither am I saying that God has no interest in making our lives easier and may even, in the sceptical view of others, take pleasure in leaving us to contend with our crosses. Nor am I saying that there is any merit when suffering comes from wrong decisions made or from how poorly we live our lives.

However, the manner in which we bear our crosses reveals the quality of our faith. If we choose to bear them with bitterness, that speaks to the world that our God is only interested in our obedience and not our well-being. On the other hand, an open show of suffering for our faith may be merely a veneer of piety disguising a reservoir of religious pride.

As I pondered further, I realised that it is the denial of self and self-will that is sought for. God ultimately wants us to depend on Him as we carry our crosses. “Denial” and “depend” — both are six-letter words, and both go hand-in-hand.

Our dependence on Him is bolstered by His promise that He never confronts us with a cross that is too burdensome to bear. He reminds us that His yoke is easy to bear (Matt. 11:29-30) and that He always provides a way of escape (1 Cor. 10:13).

Perhaps it is apt to reflect on the cross you are carrying today and what you can learn from carrying it.

 

Picture by Creativa/Bigstock.com

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Benny Bong has been a family and marital therapist for more than 30 years, and is a certified work-life consultant. He was the first recipient of the AWARE Hero Award in 2011 and is a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.

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