Worried that my daughter is gay

I suspect my young adult daughter is gay and she has a girlfriend who stays over regularly. She has stopped going to church and feels that Christians are very narrow-minded and judgemental. She is supportive towards the LGBT community and attends events like Pink Dot. I am considering if I should ask her directly about her sexual orientation to remove my doubts. At the same time, I know that the truth may devastate me, and I am not sure if I can handle it. Should I leave the matter and just commit to God, or should I proactively speak to my daughter and share the Christian stance on same-sex relationships?


At The Well

Ai Jin says

Dear Worried,

Consider how you would want to approach the conversation: what would you say and when is the best time to have that conversation, keeping in mind that you want to protect the mother-daughter relationship? One suggestion is to approach it with an open mind to hear your daughter’s thoughts about the matter. This does not mean that you agree with her but embracing her opinions first could keep the conversation going for both of you. Winning the argument is not the priority as it may end up hurting the relationship. Rather, you want to gain her trust and respect so that there will be other opportunities and she’ll be more willing to hear you out. Perhaps you could say to her that while your convictions are different from hers, you want to assure her that you are not rejecting her or her girlfriend. And that you continue to love her, and you wish for her not to distance herself from you. As for when might you have this conversation with her? The best time is probably when she welcomes such a conversation with you, and next best is when you are ready.

Meanwhile, how about taking time to equip yourself. Here’s a book that you can start with, Good News for Bruised Reeds – Walking with Same-Sex Attracted Friends (published by Graceworks, 2018). As you continue to commit to God and pray for her openness, spiritual growth and maturity, may you experience peace and increasing confidence that your relationship with her will hold out when you decide to gently confront the issues, and that she’ll receive your influence and be receptive to God’s truth on the matter.