One of the most moving stories told by John in his gospel is the raising of Lazarus from the dead (John 11:1–44).
By the time Jesus arrived at the home of Martha and Mary in Bethany, his friend Lazarus “had already been in the tomb for four days” (John 11:17 NIV). When Jesus saw Mary and the others present weeping, “he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled” (John 11:33 NIV).
And when he was brought to the tomb where Lazarus’ body was laid, “Jesus wept” (John 11:35 NIV). Although this verse is the shortest in all of Scripture, it carries a profound depth.
Jesus knew that he would raise Lazarus. Yet he allowed himself to be moved by the weight of the loss and the sorrow of his friends. He who is the Resurrection and the Life displayed his full humanity by entering fully into the grief of his loved ones—and wept.
In his weeping, Jesus dignified all our tears.
In his weeping, Jesus dignified all our tears.
Grief is a universal human experience. The loss of a loved one often leaves deep emotional, psychological and even spiritual wounds. Grief is the way in which we process the sorrow and pain that accompanies such loss.
Yet some Christians believe that those who have put their faith in Jesus Christ should never grieve. These Christians often emphasise that Christ has won the victory over death, quoting verses such as 1 Corinthians 15:57.
While it is true that we have victory in Christ, an emphasis that ignores the reality of human suffering risks promoting a distorted triumphalism—one that even judges those who grieve as having a weak faith.
Some Christians have appealed to Paul’s first letter to the Thessalonians for biblical support of their view that Christians should not mourn their dead. Paul writes:
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him (1 Thessalonians 4:13–14 NIV).
In their reading of this passage some Christians have concluded that Christians should not grieve at all because death is but a transition to heavenly bliss. Grieving, then, is ultimately a mistake in judgement because the hope of the resurrection invalidates the grief of bereavement.
It is rather surprising that even great theologians such as John Chrysostom (347–407 AD) and Jerome (347–419 AD) held such a view. Chrysostom states: “But none of this is painful to us, if we are willing to cultivate wisdom”. Jerome also insists that: “If you really believed your daughter to be alive, you would not grieve that she had passed to a better place.”1
Such a reading of this text misses the point the apostle was trying to make. Paul did not invalidate the expression of grief but cautions that Christians should “not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope”.
As John Stott clearly explains:
We observe that Paul does not forbid us to grieve altogether. Mourning is natural, even for a while emotionally necessary. It would be very unnatural, indeed inhuman, not to mourn when we lose somebody near and dear to us.2
Grieving the death of a loved one is therefore not antithetical to faith. Neither is it opposed to or incongruous with hope. But because Christian grief is always sustained and disciplined by faith and hope, it must look quite different from the way non-believers grieve.
Paul specifically mentions that Christians should not grieve hopelessly. For to do so is essentially to reject God’s promises and to dishonour what Christ has accomplished through his death and resurrection. Put differently, grieving hopelessly is a form of unbelief.
Christians should never suppress grief. But they must never allow it to overpower them either.
Christians should never suppress grief. But they must never allow it to overpower them either. Christians must allow themselves to mourn. But they must also rise again in faith and hope knowing that “our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us” (Romans 8:18 NIV).
Christian grief can never lead to despair because, unlike the world, Christians grieve with the assurance of the resurrection (1 Corinthians 15:54–55).
This hope does not erase the pain of losing someone we love, but it refines it. Faith does not eliminate sorrow, but transforms it with the promise of resurrection.
Dr Roland Chia is Chew Hock Hin Professor of Christian Doctrine at Trinity Theological College and Theological and Research Advisor at the Ethos Institute for Public Christianity. / Illustration by Minnow’s Mum
1 Quoted by Hans Boersma, “Hope-Bridled Grief: Discovering in Gregory of Nyssa a Christian Discipline of Grief (Part 1),” Saint Sophia Greek Orthodox Cathedral, August 26, 2013, https://www.saintsophiadc.org/hope-bridled-grief-discovering-in-gregory-of-nyssa-a-christian-discipline-of-grief-part-i/.
2 John Stott, The Message of 1 & 2 Thessalonians (IVP Academic, 1991), 94.