When most people think about memorial sites at Old Choa Chu Kang Road, The Garden of Remembrance (TGOR) is not a place that instantly comes to mind. For those who are not familiar with TGOR, it is a private Christian columbarium established by The Methodist Church in Singapore to help those who have lost their loved ones have a place to honour and remember them, and a resting place to house the cremated remains.
When one steps into TGOR, they will be greeted with a sense of peace that can be felt amidst the luscious greenery and the stone-cobbled brick walls that make up the modern facade of the columbarium. It is common to see General Manager Wendy Heng and her colleagues walking the grounds to address various matters and helping their clients.
Despite the nature of her job, Wendy exudes warmth and a quiet assurance. One wonders how Wendy came into this line of work which requires her to encounter death and grief constantly.
An unexpected calling to change careers
Wendy had not worked in the bereavement service industry before. In fact, she was a general manager in a relocation company and had always honed her skills in sales and marketing. She spent over 15 years in the relocation services after 12 years in the hospitality industry. But her career path took a different trajectory after she was baptised in 2012.
“Suddenly, I started facing many obstacles in my job. I was burnt out and stress took a toll on my body. It started to make me question if I should take the plunge and do something different, and I did.”
Wendy left the relocation services industry subsequently and after a brief stint of trying her hand at a web portal on relocation services with her husband, she wondered where God was leading.
It was around this time in 2016 that a friend from Ang Mo Kio Methodist Church shared with Wendy about a job opening at TGOR and told her to consider applying for the position. Her friend was persistent and kept encouraging Wendy to send in her application.
“I didn’t think much of it initially because my impression of someone who worked in a Christian columbarium was that they were probably very staunch Christians. Although I was a churchgoer, I’m the last person whom my friends and family would expect to work for the Church.”
“My friend shared with me that TGOR was looking for someone who could help them rebrand the Christian columbarium after the renovation, and my experience in sales and event management would be relevant for this role. More importantly, death was not a taboo topic for me—I am not ‘pantang’ (a word that means superstitious).”
That gave Wendy the first push to send in her resume and eventually, she was offered the job. She started doing her calculations as she knew that the new role would likely be a step back in terms of renumeration. Wendy also started praying to God to ask if this was the next season he had in mind for her.
“When they told me the salary for this job, I knew in my heart that this was God’s sign to me because it was the exact number I had calculated and it wasn’t even a round number.”
A realtor who became a client
Since working at TGOR, Wendy has witnessed many situations where God was present. A particular encounter was etched in Wendy’s mind.
Wendy’s realtor, a young lady, had helped her sell her previous home before she started her job at TGOR. Some two years later, Wendy received a call from her realtor, who shared the devastating news that her husband, in his 30s, was terminally ill and needed her help in “pre-planning”, i.e. planning for one’s funeral and end of life matters.
Both of them were first-generation Christians in their respective families, and Wendy recalled that after her realtor’s husband passed away, her in-laws came to the columbarium. It was her husband’s wish for his family to accept Christ. “Her father-in-law, a non-believer, had his arms folded across his chest the whole time. He was not able to accept his son’s passing and was extremely angry with God for taking his son away so early.”
Today, the realtor’s father-in-law is attending Bible study. Once a hardened man, he opened up to God and is now a completely different person. Wendy also witnessed how God slowly helped her friend piece her life back together over the years.
Wendy explained that she and her realtor friend were convinced that their paths had crossed for a reason and she could see how all the dots linked. “I see God’s hand everywhere and everything made sense.”
The facelift that changed mindsets
TGOR went through a facelift in 2017, more than two decades since its establishment in 1995. “The place became brighter and more welcoming, with new toilets, corridors and memorial rooms. I resolved to change the impression people had of the brand, starting with our own Methodist community,” said Wendy.
Looking back, Wendy remarked that she realised how her previous stint in marketing was extremely valuable in her new role at TGOR.
“My first presentation was at the General Conference to our own church members and I proposed to use the six memorial hall spaces we had for church retreats, and at no cost. Many people laughed at my ideas and even asked funny questions like ‘Oh, so we bring sleeping bags?’ However, I was determined to invite people to come take a look at the new revamped Garden. We chartered buses for retreat groups and paid for them to see what a beautiful facility TGOR is.”
Wendy’s efforts paid off tremendously and the perception of the space changed. It took almost a year to increase foot traffic at TGOR, which was Wendy’s goal. Today, an average of 30 to 40 events (aside from funeral wakes)—primarily church retreats—are held at the memorial space each year. TGOR also has a meditation area called “The Way of the Cross” and many Christians visit during the Lent season to meditate.
Walking alongside grieving families
TGOR serves not only the Methodist community, but the entire Christian community, including Catholics. The columbarium can house up to 30,000 niches and to date, approximately 6,000 are occupied.
“We don’t turn non-Christians away. We have families who are of mixed faiths, and it is our belief that pre-believers may not stay pre-believers forever,” said Wendy.
A unique aspect of TGOR that Wendy initiated is the ability to customise the plaques of their loved ones and it provides a great healing journey for the bereaved families. Some of the plaques show black and white photo collages of the deceased and their loved ones, whilst others are intricately designed to tell the life stories of the people who have passed on.
Part of the service TGOR offers is to assist families in collecting the remains from Mandai crematorium. “If the families purchased a niche from us, there is no need for them to wait at the crematorium to collect the remains; we do it on their behalf. After going through the passing of my father, I decided to change some of the procedures we had to help families and make it easier for them.”
Even the urns that were on display in Wendy’s office were also beautifully designed and ordered by her and the team. “An urn doesn’t need to be just white and plain.”
Death not a matter of “if” but “when”
The passing of elderly persons are often seen as a celebration of a long life, but deaths of young persons are always difficult. “I stopped questioning why and know that it is not something I have answers for, that only God would know.” For Wendy and her team, their role is to be there for the families and support them in the bereavement journey.
The tension of having empathy while holding her own emotions at bay is a daily requirement. “I have learnt to be more desensitised because it is also unprofessional to be crying alongside the families who are grieving.”
Wendy’s vision is for TGOR to be the leading Christian bereavement services provider and to bring more families to Christ and educate them about pre-planning.
Wendy also hopes for more volunteer pastors to come on board. “There is a genuine need for families to have volunteer pastors praying alongside them or helping to conduct the memorial services. We welcome pastors to support these families, especially those who may not have a church membership when they pass on.”
Dealing with the passing of a loved one is never easy. Despite all the deaths and grieving that she has witnessed, she knows that God is always there. That is precisely why she chose to place this Bible verse from Psalm 100:5 (NIV) at the front office of TGOR’s premises: “For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.”