You & Your Family

Honouring parents willingly

The Maintenance of Parents Bill, a law passed in 1995, allows elderly parents unable to support themselves to apply to the Courts to make their adult children provide financially for them. Some may wonder if this is an instance of a secular law being put in place to compel children to fulfil God’s commandment to “Honour your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12). I think not.

When siblings fight

As a family therapist, I have worked for many years on conflicts among family members. Conflict involving spouses, the young or the elderly often draw society’s sympathy and support but disputes between siblings generally do not get enough attention.

Moving on from grief

Profound loss can lead to a loss of direction and motivation in life. Daily routines lose meaning, former pleasures no longer bring joy, and we may withdraw from people, interests and life. In extreme cases, the sense of emptiness can lead to depression and even thoughts of taking one’s own life. How do hurting and grieving souls move on with life?

A step back from the brink

Metaphors can be a powerful communication tool in counselling. One I recently shared with a couple “stuck” in their marital distress is an image of a couple standing together at the edge of a cliff. They are at this precarious place where one step forward or a slip of their feet may mean plunging over the brink.

Hope is the catalyst for change

“I think I finally get it.” My client’s statement reflected a radical change although his circumstances had not changed much. His wife of nearly 15 years had left him about three years earlier and had not once made any direct contact since.

A counsellor’s perspective on suffering

Life can be very unpredictable and some may say unfair. This is especially so when things outside our control happen to us. This includes being born with a disability or into a family where the level of care falls short. Or being betrayed by someone we trust. Or being in the wrong place at the wrong time when hit by a crime. When we find ourselves in such circumstances, we feel like a victim.

Raison de vivre and why I write

This year, as The Methodist Church of Singapore celebrates its 140 years in Singapore, Methodist Message (MM) collated a selection of my over 200 articles into a book entitled Restoration. Among the congratulatory messages received when the book was published, there was one unusual comment.

A victim mentality and the blame game

Life can be very unpredictable and some may say unfair. This is especially so when things outside our control happen to us. This includes being born with a disability or into a family where the level of care falls short. Or being betrayed by someone we trust. Or being in the wrong place at the wrong time when hit by a crime. When we find ourselves in such circumstances, we feel like a victim.

Why it’s important to “be the change”

The sentence, “You must be the change you want to see in your life” is often attributed to the late Mahatma Gandhi, the great social activist and strong advocate of personal empowerment. Regardless of who actually wrote this, it reflects a positive change that I do see in my clients from time to time.

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