His praise your loosened tongues employ

Almost overnight, the lives of Ms Crystal Goh, 38, and Ms Emily Lim-Leh, 53, changed because of spasmodic dysphonia (SD), a rare neurological condition. This condition, in which the muscles of the voice box spasm involuntarily, causes a person’s voice to break or have a strained sound. People with SD have little control over their voices and therefore lose a critical means of communication.

Methodist Message (MM) meets Emily, who worships at Barker Road Methodist Church, and Crystal, from Orchard Road Presbyterian Church, to hear how their rare voice disorders opened their lives to an all-powerful and all-loving God.

Two women on the upswing of their careers never expected that trajectory to come to a sudden halt when they were rendered voiceless. For Emily, who was jetting around the world brokering multimillion-dollar hotel deals, her weakened voice could not support intense negotiations in the boardroom. For Crystal, who had big plans for music in her life, the enforced silence was devastating. If a singer could not sing or even have control over her voice, what was she left with?

MM: What was your professional life like before SD?

Crystal Goh (CG): I had always wanted to be a singer-songwriter. I worked as a writer with World Vision and performed gigs at night and during weekends. I had set up a music studio and cut a music album. I was on my way to realising my dream of being a full-time musician.

Emily Lim-Leh (ELL): I worked in the hotel industry, at Raffles Hotel and Resorts. The company was expanding and it was an exciting time. I was the youngest person on the team working on an acquisition of a historic luxury hotel in Germany and was promoted following the successful completion of the transaction. I was about to marry my boyfriend of seven years. Things were going very well for me.

Life changed suddenly

Their respective encounters with SD took place 13 years apart. But the bewilderment and loss experienced by Crystal and Emily bore many similarities, though each had a different form of the same disorder.

MM: What happened when SD struck you?

CG: I woke up one morning with a shaky voice. At a work meeting that day, when it was my turn to speak, I could not. I was 25. Many doctors told me that it was the flu. The ear, nose and throat (ENT) specialists at various hospitals told me that it was stress and referred me to psychologists. I endured invasive scope procedures to my throat but did not receive a proper diagnosis. Finally, at the seventh scope examination, the doctor at Khoo Teck Puat Hospital identified my condition. I was that one person out of 100,000 who had adductor spasmodic dysphonia.

At the news, I sat in front of the doctor and cried. It was the end of my dream to be a singer. At the same time, the diagnosis brought relief because I finally knew the reason behind my disappearing voice.

The doctor recommended Botox to relieve the spasms in my voice box. A speech therapist taught me vocal techniques to work around the symptoms but no real cure was available.

ELL: One day in 1998, my voice suddenly started disappearing. I was 28 and newly married. Over the next few months, my voice got weaker and I had difficulty getting words out. I sounded breathy and could not form words. People thought I had the flu, laryngitis or was tired when they heard me speak.

The doctors I saw could not help me. But God did. Providentially, The Straits Times published an article about a doctor at Tan Tock Seng Hospital who successfully treated a man with SD using Botox. I consulted the doctor but he could not treat me because I was suffering from a rare form of a rare disorder. I had abductor spasmodic dysphonia, something that affects one out of a million people.

I saw an ENT specialist at Singapore General Hospital but he could not treat me either. He referred me to another doctor in New York. I was wary so I tried other forms of treatment—electromagnetic therapy, traditional Chinese medicine and even acupuncture on my tongue—but to no avail. Eventually, I flew to New York where I received Botox injections to my throat. It did not work and I was disheartened.

MM: Where was God in all this?

CG: At the time I got SD, I had been a believer for over 10 years. I prayed for healing. I worked in a Christian organisation so I received support from fellow Christians at work. A colleague prayed for me and I depended on her because I felt like I did not have enough faith on my own. She held me to my earlier offer to sing at her wedding despite my developing SD. It was a statement of her belief that I would recover. Even though I was reluctant, I agreed. I hoped that God would miraculously heal me in time for the wedding.

My voice did not return to its original state. Instead, God worked a miracle in a different way. After I sang and revealed my condition, many wedding guests approached me to share their own journeys of healing and recovery. God led me to exercise my faith and shifted my perspective. I still loved singing and songwriting, and God showed me that I could use these gifts to process the difficult emotions I was feeling, instead of just performing. I could share my musical gifts so that others could reflect on their own situations and make sense of them too.

ELL: My search for God started when I could not find my voice. Previously, I had attended church to accompany my boyfriend (now husband) but I did not really understand what I heard. One of the things that I learnt from listening to sermons was that God is my Creator. I reasoned that if man could not help me with my voice, I would go to God since he made me.

I started going to churches in earnest. Despite attending healing services throughout Singapore, there was no miracle of the sort I wanted. Eventually, I took a step of faith and got baptised. At the pastor’s suggestion, I signed up for a discipleship course with the church. At the first lesson, one of my course mates told me, “I don’t know why but I think you will recover.” Many people had told me the same thing before but this time, I felt a strange shift in my heart. I decided it was time to take a step of faith and stop the Botox injections that I had been taking for eight years.

Around the same time, I learnt of and entered a competition for first-time writers. The year 2007 marked the start of my writing career. My voice, faith and passion for writing aligned in a way that could only happen by God’s grace. Although there was no instantaneous miracle healing that restored my voice, it strengthened as I shared my testimony. Before every interview and book talk, I would pray with much trepidation that my voice would work. Through small steps of faith, I received the healing that I sought. Had God returned my voice immediately, I would have jumped straight back into my corporate job. Instead, God led me on a long journey and grew my faith.

Life now

Crystal and Emily are now treading paths that they had not originally planned for themselves. They speak with strong voices and strong hearts as they share of God’s work in their lives. Today, they use their gifts to help those in need.

MM: How are you using your new careers to help others?

CG: After coming down with SD, I wrote a song “There Will Be Spring” to remind myself of hope. A friend suggested sharing it with at-risk youths at the now defunct Residence@ St George’s, a community outreach effort by Methodist Welfare Services. To my surprise, the song spoke to the youths. We were dealing with different problems but we shared a hope for healing and recovery. Songwriting helped us make sense of our stories. That was in 2012. The following year, I founded Diamonds on the Street, which runs songwriting and storytelling programmes to help young people in crisis.

I worked with children from the Prison Fellowship Singapore Care Club, whose parents are incarcerated. When I wanted to adapt Emily’s book Prince Bear & Pauper Bear into a musical drama for the children, she responded generously and even gave us her other books for fundraising. Our connection led to a lyric-writing programme for the children at HomeSweetHome, which is part of Epworth Community Services.

On top of this, I have started writing songs with special needs youths who have Down syndrome or autism. God led me to work with different communities and extend music as a gift to others going through difficult times

ELL: My first children’s book, Prince Bear & Pauper Bear, was published in 2007. I have written over 50 children’s books so far. The transition from corporate life to writing taught me to journey with others and strengthened my bond with God.

I prayed for God to use my writing for a deeper purpose and for the opportunity to work with children in the community. God answered.

To support healthcare workers, parents and children in the Covid-19 recovery process, I was asked to write two e-books I Can Recover At Home and What Do I Do If I’m Covid Positive?. Illustrator Josef Lee and I received the Public Service (Covid-19) Medal for our contribution.

God answered the second prayer when I was asked to serve on the board at Epworth Community Services. Three days in a row, I received prompts through three different people to obey this call. Working with the literacy centre at Epworth, Josef and I produced another two books, one to raise awareness of children with special needs and another for children going through early childhood trauma. I volunteered with the KidsREAD literacy programme by Epworth and through it, I was able to get to know the children, in direct answer to my prayer.

Life renewed

Crystal and Emily had charted exciting futures for themselves until SD stopped them in their tracks. With painful and dogged steps forward, they discovered God’s good plans for them amid the confusion. Their God-given gifts and talents were put to use and God gave them even more. God revealed himself to them and opened the way for them to help those in need, whether through music or writing. With their newfound voices, they have brought relief to those in need. Today, many lives are blessed through Crystal’s and Emily’s efforts and their obedience to God, as they embody Proverbs 31:8 (NIV), “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.”