A friend of mine whom I met in Junior College (JC) is no stranger to bullying. He is diagnosed with mild Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), and though bright and highly gifted, he would sometimes be bullied and made fun of because of his social awkwardness. Going through National Service (NS) was a particularly trying season. A group of his bunkmates went out of their way to make life difficult for him, provoking him with hurtful slights or mocking him in private messages. The wounds were real and deep; healing and forgiveness seemed impossible. I felt a sense of frustration and helplessness at that time. This is what he told me.
“The year was quite complicated for me. I felt quite upset but also confused because I didn’t understand what the bullies were thinking that made them laugh at me. Something I noticed is that in Singapore, it’s not always easy for people to accept someone who seems different. It’s just the culture, and there’s not much we can do to change it immediately.”
In schools, bullying may be more common than we think. Official data estimates a yearly average of two bullying incidents for every 1,000 students in primary schools, and six incidents for every 1,000 students in secondary schools.1 However, more incidents likely go unreported. Moreover, with increased access to social media, bullying can take place even beyond the school walls.
We are called to love our enemies but not condone evil. Our God is just, but also merciful and forgiving. But how can you stay silent when someone insults you? How can you keep being kind to someone who is always unkind to you? How do you forgive someone who shows no remorse for the hurt they caused you? God will defend us, but that does not mean we should always do nothing. These tensions were something I struggled to explain to my JC friend. I saw how absurd God’s upside-down kingdom values must seem to the world.
But how can you stay silent when someone insults you? How can you keep being kind to someone who is always unkind to you? How do you forgive someone who shows no remorse for the hurt they caused you? God will defend us, but that does not mean we should always do nothing. These tensions were something I struggled to explain to my JC friend. I saw how absurd God’s upside-down kingdom values must seem to the world.
It was strange to me too—I cared about my friend but also wondered what motivated his bullies. Perhaps they themselves were dealing with their own hurt. By God’s grace, my friend persevered, supported by prayer and encouragement from friends. Forgiveness is still a challenge, but I see that the Lord continues to work in his life, and I am filled with thanksgiving.
Another friend whom I journeyed with was from secondary school. My Secondary 1 year was difficult. My class was made up of several large cliques, and I became friends with two others who did not belong anywhere. One of them became the victim of social bullying, which adversely impacted her mental health and eventually required intervention by our form teacher. That year, I felt a rare sense of indignation on behalf of my friend.
What makes bullying in schools upsetting is that school is meant to be a nurturing environment.
As part of MOE’s efforts, many schools now have Peer Support Leaders (PSLs). While I acknowledged the good intentions behind the initiative, I also questioned its effectiveness. When I was appointed a PSL in Secondary 3, I wondered whether genuine care could really be expected just because of a title. Perhaps my cynicism stemmed from my Secondary 1 experience—where were the PSLs then?
That Secondary 1 friendship was difficult. She was not popular, and I am ashamed to admit that I sometimes blamed her for hindering me socially. It did not help that she would do things purposely to irritate me, like emptying my hole puncher into my pencil case, or shutting down my laptop while I was working. Two years later, we met again and I saw how much she had grown. She remembered being encouraged by Bible verses I had written for her. I was heartened, especially as I was feeling discouraged supporting another struggling classmate. The Lord has a way of using even difficult friendships to remind me that he is in control.
Bullying is a complex problem involving factors beyond our control. Walking with my friends through these experiences often left me unsure of what to do, and I had to rely on the Lord. Looking back, I am reassured by how God uses even dreadful situations for his good.
Bullying is a complex problem involving factors beyond our control. Walking with my friends through these experiences often left me unsure of what to do, and I had to rely on the Lord. Looking back, I am reassured by how God uses even dreadful situations for his good.
Humans are sinful creatures, and bullies will always exist. Nevertheless, we can look to the Lord. It is better to leave justice to him than retaliate, and better to forgive than hold a grudge. Though the situation may not make sense now, we hold on to the promise that God uses all things for the good of those who love him, conforming us to the image of his Son (Romans 8:28–29).
So as we navigate a world with bullies and unkindness, may the Lord teach us to love like Jesus, bringing light, peace and hope wherever he places us.