My husband and I have been married for 10 years and have two children. His parents are staunch believers of another religion and once wanted to perform certain rituals for our kids. When I voiced my objections, it caused a rift that led to two years of no communication with them. This strained our marriage, as my husband felt caught between his parents and me. Eventually, we resolved the situation by surrendering it to Jesus. The birth of our second child helped ease the tension, but religion remains a sensitive topic. Even now, his parents get our children to pray at their altar. We’re hesitant to speak up again, fearing they might sever ties once more. We’re unsure of what to do.
Joey says
Dear Samantha,
This is a very sensitive issue and it is difficult to advise you on what to do without more details. Do seek more specific guidance from your pastor for what to do moving forward. But here are a few things to consider.
Firstly, I would like to set the issue in a bigger context, which is your in-laws’ salvation. God’s desire is for everyone, including your in-laws, to follow Christ and find eternal and abundant life. Keeping this in mind will help you navigate the issue in a way that honours God, build your relationship with them, and allow them to be more open to God. This will help resolve the issue of religion at a more fundamental level. Pray for them to be open to God and let God use your family to bring the Good News to them.
Secondly, are you and your husband aligned on the importance of raising your children well spiritually? If you are not united on this, it will only lead to more marital and in-law conflict, and hurt your relationships. More importantly, this alignment will allow you to parent them well spiritually. Before you begin discussion with your husband, pray. Ask God for humility, love and grace to share your concerns. If he’s not on the same page as you are, resist the urge to criticise him. It is hard for him to be caught between his wife and parents: he will need your support if he is to struggle well. Pray and let God work on his heart. If he remains unconvinced, you can suggest that the both of you seek advice from your pastor.
Thirdly, your relationship with your in-laws is important. Find out what exactly about the previous situation upset his parents. They may have misinterpreted your objections as a rejection (of them or their good intentions). It could have surfaced feelings of betrayal (that their son has followed “another god”) or fears (“who will pray for me when I’m gone?”). It is important to deal with the emotions. If the incident caused them hurt or worry, apologising might help heal the relationship. Reassure them of your love for them and their place in your lives. Share with them that your pursuit of Jesus does not divide the family or draw you further from them but spurs you on to love them. Seek to demonstrate selfless love through your actions, so that they know that God is love.
Finally, talk to your children and help them to understand why your family follows Jesus (without denigrating their grandparents’ faith), what that means (in this case, not participating in other religious rituals) and how to respond with God’s love to people of other faiths. Use this as a teaching moment to strengthen your children’s faith. Research has shown that parents have the greatest impact on their children’s faith: how you navigate this issue in a way that demonstrates your love for God and all parties involved will show them what faithful discipleship looks like.
