I am trying to adhere to the principle that Christians should not be “unequally yoked”. What should I do if I realise I’ve started developing feelings for someone who isn’t a Christian? How do I draw the line between simply “hanging out” as friends and something more? Should I limit casual one-on-one dates to Christians only?
Benny says
Dear John,
Your query prompted several thoughts regarding relationships and being “unequally yoked”. Certainly, the attention you are paying to the warning in 2 Corinthians 6:14 of being unequally yoked is commendable. The seriousness of this exhortation is highlighted by the contrast it makes when comparing “righteousness with lawlessness” and “light with darkness“.
But it begs the question—how then should we relate to non-believers? Should we steer clear from them so as to keep ourselves pure? I certainly do not think so. How else are they to know and experience the love of Christ if not by being up close to see and experience it in the lives of people who have been transformed by the love of God? It is only when this happens that we can then be the salt and the light that the world needs.
This verse serves as a warning that though we may befriend non-believers, it is another thing to form a deep permanent union with one. When this happens, we may be lured away from our beliefs, values and ways of thinking. One of the wisest men of the ancient world, King Solomon, ultimately fell away from God when he took on wives and concubines who were of different faiths. Our love for God should never have to compete with our love for another.
So then, how should you draw a line between simply “hanging out” to being seriously involved with non-believers of the opposite gender? Some are concerned that when it comes to affairs of the heart, where feelings may reign strongly, it is better to not even get started. If, however, a friendship has started and that seems to be leaning towards becoming something more serious, it is important to talk about the issue of the difference in faith. It is not simply resolved by each choosing to respect each other’s beliefs but to be aligned with it. This is because these ideas are part and parcel of who we are and how we want to live our lives. Without such alignment, there will be friction. Finally, if we truly love this person, would we not want to see this person come to salvation herself?
