I have been married for five years now and my husband is a backslidden Christian. In the last one to two years, we have drifted apart as he is a ride-hailing driver and works during the night when I am asleep. We are no longer a couple but more like friends. We are headed towards divorce if this continues as he has no intention for any counselling or does not seem to want to work on the marriage. What should I do?
Joey says
Dear Confused,
Marriage is a covenant. A covenant calls for each party to be faithful, to give a 100% regardless of whether your spouse is giving his/her 100%. Until your husband has a change of heart, what this means is that you may find yourself investing a lot more into this relationship than he is. It won’t be easy, but don’t let that discourage you. This is how you are honouring God, and how you are honouring the marriage covenant you made with your spouse before God. I encourage you to revisit your marital vows and ask God for strength to uphold the vows you made before him.
It seems like you and your husband have stopped communicating and connecting with each other, and this has caused you both to lead parallel lives. Have you talked about your drifting apart? Do you know why he has drifted away from you? Why have you drifted away from him? Is it only due to your different work schedules, or are there other factors? Have you tried ways to reconnect with him and how did he respond? Have you shared with him your desire to work on this marriage? Do you know why he is unwilling to go for counselling or work on the marriage? It is important that you do so without coming across as being critical of him, and to ground it in your hopes for you both as a family unit.
It would be best for you to speak with someone who can understand your situation in greater depth, provide some insights into your situation, and walk with you through this challenging season in your marriage. This could be a pastor or a Christian marriage counsellor. Even if your husband is unwilling to speak to a counsellor, it is beneficial for you to speak to someone. Most importantly, persevere in prayer. Ask God to help you to love your husband and pray for God to restore your marriage. Having godly female friends who will pray for you and support you through this will also help you in this difficult time. Marriages go through difficult seasons, but by God’s grace, things can sometimes turn around.
