My boyfriend and I have been dating for seven years since we were 18 years old. I am pretty sure I would agree to marry him if he were to propose. But lately, I sense that he has no interest in getting married and settling down, and is content to continue as we are now. How should I broach this topic with him? Am I too impatient?
Benny says
Dear Waiting,
After being together for seven years in what I am presuming to be an exclusive relationship, you are not impatient if all you want to know is where this relationship is headed. You sound rather ready to settle down but are unsure if he is.
Perhaps the old convention of waiting for the man to pop the question, or in the Singaporean style, booking your BTO flat with HDB, is not happening. But why, in this day-and-age, must the woman wait for her man to initiate? Conventions these days are always changing, so a liberated woman may ask if marriage is on the cards. Of course it would be nice to be asked, if only to be reminded that one is wanted.
The non-communicative partner may be baffled that there was any need to be more explicit about their intentions. What they may be reticent about discussing are their specific plans. Now this may be because many men—until their plan is crystal clear to them and until they perceive that it is going to be achievable—may not want to bring it up. I can imagine many female readers will be scratching their heads thinking, “But why not?” These men may be used to thinking through things internally in their heads, as opposed to externally talking about it.
Marriage is one of the most important conversation topics you and your partner will have. It can also serve as a test bed for many other important topics that you may be confronted with in the future. If and when it happens, your partner may develop a healthy appreciation of your opinions and views. Alternatively, you may discover that you are not expected to have a voice. I hope that the former may be true.
