When the Covid-19 pandemic struck and Singapore introduced the circuit breaker in April 2020, Bobby*, who worked in the banking sector, still had to report to the office to manage daily operations. His parents and parents-in-law, who normally helped care for his young children before the pandemic, were unable to assist during this time. Balancing work responsibilities and family life became exceptionally difficult for Bobby and his wife.
“Limited social interaction amid the unpredictable Covid-19 situation took a heavy toll on my mental health,” Bobby recalled. “At the same time, our third child had just been born and was constantly crying. There was growing tension between my wife and mother over how to care for the newborn, and I felt caught in the middle. All these stressors pushed me to the brink. One night, I went for a drive, seriously contemplating how to end my life.”
Finding strength in seeking support
Eventually, Bobby realised that he needed help to cope with the strain of being caught between his wife and mother. In August 2022, he reached out to MWS Covenant Family Service Centre (CFSC) – Buangkok for support.
During counselling, Bobby’s social worker, Noel Chye, discovered that he was grappling with persistent suicidal thoughts while also trying to manage conflicting needs at home. The MWS CFSC team referred him to the Strengthening Families Programme@Family Service Centre (FAM@FSC) run by MWS, and Noel collaborated with counsellor, Anny Rodjito, to provide holistic support for Bobby’s well-being.
“At that time, even with all my experience mentoring and counselling youth at risk, I felt completely lost when it came to my own struggles,” recalled Bobby, who is in his 40s and an active community volunteer dedicated to guiding youth at risk and collaborating with grassroots leaders to drive positive change in his local area. “Noel worked with me to create a safety plan, including calling Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) if I ever had thoughts of self-harm.”
“Sometimes, you just need a neutral person to talk to,” Bobby continued. “Noel and Anny supported me emotionally by listening and asking the right questions that prompted me to reflect on my value to my family and the community.”
Addressing underlying traumas
Through her conversations with Bobby, Noel uncovered that he had experienced relational trauma during his formative years. The adults in his life often rejected him emotionally and criticised him, which deeply damaged his self-worth. This led Bobby to believe he was useless and unwanted, with suicidal ideation becoming his way of coping.
“Our sessions created a safe space for Bobby to understand the impact of his childhood trauma,” Noel shared. “Bobby’s courage to seek help led him to realise that suicide isn’t the only way to end his pain. He has become more self-compassionate and developed healthier coping mechanisms.”
Navigating the storm of family conflict
To help reconcile his mother and wife, Anny worked with Bobby to manage his emotions, enabling him to guide conversations between them more constructively. “This helped him to remain grounded and neutral while mediating, understanding both perspectives without taking sides or feeling overwhelmed,” Anny explained.
“This neutrality created a safe space where both parties felt heard, reducing tension, fostering open communication, and supporting the healing of their relationship.”
Finding a way forward
It has been more than a year since Bobby last experienced suicidal thoughts. The lessons he learned in counselling— valuing his contributions to his family and community and appreciating his loved ones—continue to keep him grounded.
Bobby also finds purpose in his roles as a community advocate and mentor for youth, recognising the positive impact he makes. He now sees himself as someone who deeply cares for his community and is wholeheartedly devoted to his family.
“Counselling helped me recognise my strengths, like having compassion and openness to people with different needs,” Bobby shared. “I want to keep supporting my community, mentoring youth and passing these values on to my own children.”
*Not his real name
If you feel that you are unable to cope and have thoughts of harming yourself or someone else, please contact SOS 24-hour hotline 1767, or their 24-hour SOS CareText via WhatsApp 9151 1767.
If you feel you may be at immediate risk of harming yourself, call 995 or approach the A&E department of your nearest hospital.
If you or any person is experiencing family violence or other forms of abuse or neglect, please contact the 24-hour National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment Helpline at 1800-777-0000.
If you are experiencing any risks of physical violence, please know that you can walk into your nearest Family Service Centre (FSC) to request for help. You can locate your nearest FSC by entering your postal code on this website: www.msf.gov.sg/our-services/directories.
To learn more about MWS’ work, visit www.mws.sg, or to support us, go to https://mws.sg/give.
By the Methodist Welfare Services Communications Team. / Photo courtesy of Methodist Welfare Services