How do I know if my mother is clinically depressed? She’s become withdrawn ever since my father passed away. How do I tell if it’s the normal grieving process and not something deeper?
Sue-Lynn says
Dear Lina,
The Bible does not shy away from expressions of deep grief and sorrow. Psalm 34:18 reminds us that “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” If your mother is a believer, gently point her to our kind and compassionate God, who is with us in our grief. He also understands our grief, comforts and heals us (Psalm 73:26, Psalm 147:3).
However, there are some ways to differentiate between the normal grieving process and clinical depression. The caveat here is that everyone grieves in a different way and no two people’s journeys of grief are the same.
In normal grieving, your mother may withdraw for a time and avoid social contact but would gradually re-engage. In depression, there is usually sustained withdrawal and isolation despite family encouragement (e.g. stops attending church). It is normal for your mother to be deep in sadness and yearning for her husband, perhaps crying when reminded of shared routines. The sadness often comes and goes, with occasional moments of warmth from her faith or family. However, in depression, there is a long-lasting low mood that is present most of the day, even when not reminded of her husband. She may also not be interested in the things that used to bring her joy (e.g. family visits).
Changes to your mother’s sleep and appetite are also normal but this usually gets better within weeks or months. If there is ongoing insomnia or early morning wakings for a long time, accompanied by constant fatigue, and sometimes, significant weight loss due to lack of appetite, then it could be depression.
Either way, having social support, including family and friends that can journey with her through this time, can help. This can look like taking her out for meals, having a chat with her if she is ready or just being present with her.
Grief is a part of life and an emotion that should be acknowledged. If your mother is showing signs of depression and she is open, encourage her to seek professional help (visit Mindline https://mindline.sg/fsmh or call the National Hotline 1771 to find out how to access such help). Alternatively, you can seek support via Mindline as a caregiver to your mother.
