I’m a new believer and come from a family of non-believers. My parents are ok with me attending church services but are strictly against me getting baptised. They feel that if I get baptised, I’ll be unable to “account” to them and the family, especially in events like funerals or death anniversaries, because I am unable to partake in rituals. If I get baptised without telling them and carry out the religious rituals, will I be violating God’s commandment not to bow to idols? On the other hand, how do I honour my parents?
Joey says
Dear Joan,
I rejoice with you that you have found Jesus, but I empathise with your struggles. I came from a non-Christian family and faced similar resistance to getting baptised. God wants us to follow him but also honour our parents, and we want to tread sensitively because we do not want to become a stumbling block to our parents coming to the faith. I encourage you to pray for your parents to come to know Jesus. Seize opportunities in conversations to share how Jesus has impacted your life and invite them to evangelistic events.
When you submitted this question, you indicated that you are above 26 years old. Even though you are an adult, and you don’t need parental consent to get baptised, I would advise you against it. Although baptism is important, my view is that it is not honouring to one’s parents to get baptised behind their backs. Let your parents know that you will not get baptised against their wishes, and make sure they know it is because God says you should honour them.
As a pastor, I would advise against performing the religious rites as they are considered acts of worship. At an appropriate time, share your concerns about the rituals with them: for them it is a matter of filial piety, but for you it is a matter of worship. You can share with them that filial piety is one of the Ten Commandments of God, just that for Christians, filial piety looks different from the religious rites they are used to. Share with them that you believe it is more important to show filial piety while they are alive. Reassure them that you will be more filial, not less, as you follow Jesus. Most importantly, back up your words with action. Resolve to love your parents with the love of Jesus. When they realise that your love is unlike any other love they have seen, they will be curious about Jesus and more open to him.
Once a year, gently broach the topic of baptism. You can say something like, “Dad/Mum, I’m not forcing you to let me get baptised. I just want to know if you are still against me getting baptised. I would like to get baptised because Jesus has been so good to me. But if you do not want me to be baptised, I won’t do it.” If they say no, accept it graciously. This will be your witness to your parents that you are honouring them by not getting baptised despite your desire, that you love them enough to lay down your life for them. It is also good to check in yearly to see if they have changed their mind on this matter.
