My daughter has always been popular in school. Now that she has started dating, I’ve noticed her relationships last for short periods of time, about 3-6 months, before she moves on to the next guy. Is this normal or should I be concerned?
Benny says
Dear mummy,
The topic of boy-girl relationships is a concern of many parents of adolescent children, especially when they are girls, and when it is in the early stages. Are you worried that she is initiating too many new relationships at a young age, that her choices in boyfriends have proven unsound or that she is taking this whole experience too casually?
Dating is an exciting phase in one’s life. It does require an ability to manage many competing priorities and to have a healthy dose of self-esteem. The fact that your daughter seems to be popular and that it is she who initiated the breakups suggests that she is not lacking in self-esteem.
Is the concern that she may have a sense of self that is too inflated and that she is insensitive to others? Being popular may mean that she has a choice of suitors (not a bad situation) but if she is not seriously interested in them, should she encourage them in the first place? If the interested parties are her peers, then their emotional maturity may lag as girls seem to mature a little ahead of their male peers. What this means is that their ability to manage the highs and lows of a relationship may be untested. The rejection and breakups they experience can be rather painful.
Remember that the dating norms of our youth today compared to those of their parents’ generation is vastly different—it looks more “casual” these days. This is not to say that they lack commitment and loyalty but these things are more quickly established. Perhaps it reflects the pace of the world they live in.
It might be time for a good mother-daughter conversation to talk about the value of friendship and taking one’s time to grow a relationship. After all, they have their whole life ahead of them.
