My wife and I recently entered a new phase of life. We became grandparents. When sharing this news with family and friends, many responded with, “Congratulations!” Not only did they say it, but some also actually expressed feelings of joy on our behalf.
I must confess being somewhat befuddled by these effusive responses. This is not to say that a child’s arrival is not an event to celebrate. But the congratulatory messages to me as a grandparent suggest a recognition that I had some part in bringing it about. Short of the fact that the mother of the baby is my daughter, my role in the birth of this new life is mostly indirect. The parents should be the ones to receive all the congratulations and of course it is God, who has given us this miracle of life, who should be thanked.
The miracle of life is a topic with which we can all connect. After all, we have all experienced this miracle by the sheer fact of having been given life.
When I recall meeting couples trying unsuccessfully to conceive their own child, it strikes home that conception is not a given. Some have to go to great lengths and expense to conceive. Then there are those who have suffered the tragedy of miscarriage or stillbirth. Often, this happens even after the best care is given.
The fragility of new life hits us when we look at Afghanistan’s Infant Mortality Rate of 103.06 deaths per 1,000 births. Or when considering the reality that 110 infants out of 1,000 in Chad will not live beyond five years of age, we realise that being alive cannot be taken for granted. In light of these facts, statements of congratulations to parents and other caregivers are well deserved for the love and care they diligently give to their infants.
My work also brings me into contact with expectant mothers who view their pregnancy as a crisis. It may be unplanned or an extra burden to their already monumental stress. Sometimes, it is a pregnancy that is unwelcomed by the biological parents and their families. These women and girls face the hard choice of carrying the pregnancy to full term or terminating it. The implication of this choice is life altering and goes well beyond giving birth. The best outcome for these mothers and their unborn babies requires sustained effort by many. Simply telling the expectant mother to act responsibly is too simplistic a response.
Being entrusted with the miracle of life, whether as parents or the extended family, one is made aware that it is undeserved. This awareness is often quickly followed by a sense that no matter how prepared we may be, the task of raising a healthy child is enormous. Any celebratory feelings should thus give way quickly to profound gratitude. Then may come sharing of needs and requests. Such a humble mindset is relevant not only with the birth of a child but also when we cross the annual milestones of any birthday.
May we always be filled with wonder and appreciation of the gift of life. And may we, as parents or grandparents, be good stewards of such a precious gift.
Benny Bong has over 40 years of experience as a therapist, counsellor and trainer. He also conducts regular talks and webinars. Benny has helmed the You & Your Family column for more than 17 years and is a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.