Ups and downs in recovering from breast cancer
The diagnosis of breast cancer in August 2025 came as no surprise since my mother had had it 26 years earlier. What shook my world was the three operations I had in quick succession and the ups and downs which followed.
My cancer was detected early. I had been doing monthly breast self-examinations since young and at 43, started regular mammograms. The first mammogram found calcification, a small calcium deposit, in one breast. Mammograms done every two years afterwards showed the same lump, which stayed the same size.
When I turned 50, I decided to take advantage of subsidised breast screening offered under HealthierSG. The results came back as abnormal and I was immediately referred to the National Cancer Centre Singapore (NCCS). A repeat mammogram at NCCS picked up a new suspicious area of less than one centimetre. Three days later, I went for a biopsy.
The doctor I saw for the biopsy results broke the news that I had Stage 0 breast cancer. She outlined my options—a lumpectomy (also known as breast-conserving surgery) or a mastectomy—and went through a flowchart of the surgical procedure for each. She also explained that should the first operation be unsuccessful, a second one would be needed. She was reassuring, saying that with such a small cancerous lump, the success rate was high. I felt overwhelmed and was glad not to have to decide there and then. I was then taken to another room where a nurse repeated the options. It was stressful seeing photos of what other patients had gone through, and I opted for a lumpectomy to remove the lump and a margin around the abnormal cells under general anaesthesia.
Not so straightforward
When the day of my surgery came, Leticia, my cell group mate whom I have known for over 20 years, accompanied me. Leticia has been my pillar of support and seen me through all my ups and downs.
As I lay in the operating theatre, I prayed and felt peace. I knew I would be alright. God saw me through the five-hour operation, and I was pleased to have some comfort food of half-boiled eggs and kaya toast brought by Leticia.
But my doctor’s appointment two weeks later brought disappointing news. The cancer cells covered a larger area than was seen in the mammogram and I needed a second operation to create a larger margin. At the same time, the doctor would remove nearby lymph nodes to determine if the cancer had spread.
Although disappointed and not understanding why I had to go under the knife again, I entrusted it to the Lord. Once again, Leticia picked me up for my operation. Members and friends of Charis Methodist Church, where I work, messaged that they were praying for me; some sent worship songs to comfort me.
This time, the results took longer than the usual two weeks. When my doctor called to tell me to go to her clinic early the next day so she could fit me in before her other patients, I was apprehensive. I took comfort that since I was not asked to bring someone along, it would be good news.
I took comfort that since I was not asked to bring someone along, it would be good news.
The doctor started with the good news— the four lymph nodes that had been removed were clear so that meant the cancer had not spread. Then came the not-so-good news—abnormal cells were again found too close to the margin, and I had to undergo a third operation! This operation would involve cutting into the same area as three weeks before and had to be done fast. I was given a surgery date of 10 October 2025 and told to go directly from her clinic for pre-admission tests.
I felt exhausted. Three operations in 47 days! I could only lean on my faith and trust God that everything would turn out fine.
All this while, my friends, colleagues and cell group members from church as well as Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) kept praying and lifting me up for healing. I was also much encouraged by the love and concern they showered on me—sending me for my medical appointments, cooking nutritious food, sending heartwarming get-well cards and making sure that I did not carry heavy things.
As I have maternal relatives who succumbed to breast and lung cancer, I subsequently decided to undergo testing for BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes. An inherited gene mutation would raise my lifetime risk for specific cancers. Praise the Lord that my test results came back negative. A double blessing was when my doctor gave me the all-clear from cancer!
Bewildered by my mistakes
I returned to work before the end of October as my hospitalisation leave was used up, and the church office was short- staffed. In November I had eight sessions of radiotherapy at NCCS in the morning before going to work in the afternoon. After completing radiotherapy, I would be on hormone therapy for five years.
By December, I was getting back into my regular momentum and becoming very busy at work. I realised then that I was making careless mistakes at work. Each mistake made me feel more miserable. I did not understand what was happening and could not confide in anyone about it. It was even harder when Leticia went to the UK on a six-month posting.
At the end of February 2026, I visited Leticia in the UK. While there, I booked a wrong tour bus. The mistake shook me … I was cleared of cancer, but I just couldn’t seem to get things right. The holiday made me feel worse and after returning, I shunned people and just wanted to be left alone. I found excuses not to attend cell group meetings and BSF classes. Even praying to God was hard.
Hormone therapy made things worse. I became very sensitive and emotional. I lost interest in things and all I did was mostly work. I considered quitting because of the mistakes I kept making. I also developed insomnia. On a few occasions, I cried out to God, telling him that I felt tired and could not go on anymore.
Learning to be kind to myself
One day, I shared my struggles with a colleague. He pointed out that my body was still recovering from the trauma of my operations. He encouraged me to be kinder to myself and take more time to heal. As he prayed for me, the heaviness in my heart lifted. God used this brother-in-Christ to remind me that those “who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength … they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31).
Around that time, my church had a sermon series on keeping the Sabbath where we were taught to cultivate an inner spirit of restfulness—to be unhurried, present, at ease in our own bodies and capable of love even in a culture of exhaustion. I took breaks from work to do things to honour the Sabbath. I began taking early morning walks four times a week while listening to worship songs which ministered to me. I went back to reading the Bible. I journalled my thoughts, struggles and challenges.
I took breaks from work to do things to honour the Sabbath. I began taking early morning walks four times a week while listening to worship songs which ministered to me. I went back to reading the Bible. I journalled my thoughts, struggles and challenges.
To this day, I still stumble into minor mistakes here and there but am reminded that God’s grace and mercy are new every morning. On days I feel overwhelmed at work or under the weather, I lean on God’s assurance: “… fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).
God, in his faithfulness, has sustained me this past year and enabled me to lean on faith, not fear.
You might be fearful over your health. But know that we do not carry this burden alone. Just lift them to our Lord Jesus Christ. He is our Helper, Healer and Provider!
