“We’re just talking.”
“It’s complicated.”
“We’re kind of a thing… but not really.”
If these phrases sound familiar, you’re not alone. Modern dating culture thrives on ambiguity. Among Gen Zers, one word has emerged to describe this grey space: “situationship”. It refers to a romantic or emotionally attached connection without clarity or commitment. You’re “something”, but you’re not quite sure what.
In a culture where definitions are blurred and expectations are fluid, how can Christians pursue relationships that are healthy, honouring and God-centred?
A look at modern dating culture
Dating today looks very different from previous generations. Courtship models of the past have given way to informal “talking stages”. Social media has shaped our perceptions, and dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and Coffee Meets Bagel have normalised meeting strangers online. Increasingly, ambiguity has become the norm rather than the exception.
A situationship may feel safe. Perhaps because it feels safer to keep the relationship undefined and open ended. “It’s just casual.” “Let’s see where this goes.” It offers companionship without commitment, emotional intimacy without labels and flexibility without responsibility.
But beneath the surface, ambiguity often creates anxiety. One person may quietly hope for more, while the other remains non- committal. One may be investing emotionally, while the other is “keeping options open”. The lack of clarity leaves people wondering: Where do I stand?
We live in a culture that avoids risk. Commitment feels weighty. Labels feel restrictive. Clarity feels vulnerable. But the longer ambiguity drags on, the more likely it leads to confusion or hurt.
Don’t get me wrong: I am not saying that friendships must immediately become serious relationships. Exploration and discernment take time. But dating people must ask themselves: How long are we lingering in these emotional grey zones without courage?
At some point, honour demands clarity.
To those who are dating: If you’re ready to date, say so. If you’re not ready, say so. If you don’t see this moving forward, say so kindly, and don’t mislead someone.
That is love.
Dating apps: Yay or nay?
Dating apps are now mainstream. As a pastor, I have officiated weddings of couples who first connected through dating platforms like Coffee Meets Bagel.
The Bible does not say, “Thou shalt not use dating apps.” But it does call us to exercise wisdom.
Proverbs 4:23 says: “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” A dating app is neutral. It can be used wisely or unwisely. Dating apps may be helpful if:
- You approach them prayerfully;
- You are clear about your values; and
- You are intentional about seeking someone who shares your faith.
They may be unhelpful if:
- They fuel comparison and superficiality;
- They encourage endless swiping without intention; and
- They tempt you toward impurity.
The question is not “online or offline”? The deeper question is: Are you pursuing Christlikeness in how you date?
What does healthy dating look like?
The Bible may not use the word “situationship” or even “dating”, but it speaks clearly about love and honour.
Romans 12:10 says: “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honour.”
Prolonged ambiguity can be unloving because it withholds clarity. If someone is made in the image of God, they deserve honesty and not emotional confusion. Love is not vague. Love is not self-protective at the expense of another.
As 1 Corinthians 13:5 reminds us, love “does not insist on its own way”. Love seeks the good of the other.
If I were to summarise:
Healthy Dating = Honour + Clarity
Love says, “I care enough about you to be honest. I will guard both our hearts.”
Healthy Dating = Honour + Clarity
Love says, “I care enough about you to be honest. I will guard both our hearts.”
Healthy dating is not about following trends; it is about following timeless biblical principles that transcend generations.
1. Clarity over ambiguity
If you’re not ready for a relationship, don’t lead someone on. If you are ready, take the courageous step of defining it.
Clarity sounds like, “I’ve enjoyed spending time with you. Would you like to go out on a date?” or “I value our conversations, but I’m not ready to pursue dating. I think it’s wise for us to adjust how often we connect.”
Clarity gives dignity. It gives the other person freedom.
2. Honour over selfishness
Treat one another as brothers and sisters in Christ first. Even in attraction, your primary identity is that you belong to the same family in Christ. Romans 12:10 calls us to “outdo one another in showing honour”. That includes:
- No gossip;
- No emotional manipulation; and
- No shaming if someone declines interest.
And just to put it out there, as a female youth leader once wisely noted, girls can
initiate clarity too. Whoever initiates should do so with respect.
3. Boundaries over blurred lines
Emotional and physical boundaries protect both hearts. Dating is not marriage. Intimacy without covenant can distort expectations and weaken spiritual health. That is why we need to guard one another’s hearts throughout the dating process.
Creating safe spaces for intentional connections
Dating in the church can feel complicated. You might be asking, “Is it okay to be proactive?”, “How do I meet Christians who share my values?” or “Can I trust God in this area of my life?” The answer is yes—trust him wholeheartedly to write your love story.
Within our Methodist family, I have the privilege of leading the TRAC Young Adult Taskforce. Our purpose is to support, equip and connect young adults in their spiritual and relational journeys.
Over the years, we have organised a series of Healthy Dating Relationships platforms. In 2025, we launched “Let’s Cross Paths”—a curated event for Methodist young adult singles within TRAC to meet intentionally.
We designed it with:
- A mix of one-to-one conversations and group interactions;
- A screening process to ensure participants are connected to a local church;
- A testimony-sharing component; and
- Clear declarations regarding boundaries and expectations.
Why? Because intentionality matters.
I have already heard encouraging stories of friendships formed, couples beginning to date and even one couple preparing for marriage.
Proverbs 3:5–6 reminds us: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
That includes your romantic path. Whether or not romance sparks, community itself is a gift. Sometimes spiritual friendships grow even when romance does not. Often, God shapes us through conversations that stretch us.
Ask the right question
The world asks, “How do I find the right one?” However, let me suggest that those dating should ask a deeper question, “Am I becoming the right person for my future partner?”
When I was 17, I heard a message that challenged me to find contentment in Christ and use my singleness as a season of preparation. I committed not to pursue a romantic relationship until after National Service. That season became a gift— allowing my time to be spent serving in ministry, going on mission trips, and leading youth and small groups.
I learnt to see friends as brothers and sisters in Christ first. I learnt to guard the hearts of my sisters in Christ.
In God’s time, he led me to meet a like-minded sister in Christ at a Young Methodist Leaders Conference, whom I eventually married. What prepared me for marriage was not searching for “the right one”; it was surrendering my life to Christ.
Healthy dating begins with discipleship. So before asking, “Is this person the right one?” ask yourself, “Am I becoming the person God is shaping me to be?”
Healthy dating begins with discipleship. So before asking, “Is this person the right one?” ask yourself, “Am I becoming the person God is shaping me to be?”
Choose courage over comfort.
Choose clarity over confusion.
Choose honour over self-interest.
If you are in a situationship, be courageous and have that honest conversation. If you are using dating apps, use them with prayerful intention. If you are single or already in a relationship, embrace your current season and deepen your walk with Christ.
Let Christ shape your character before he shapes your relationship—because when Christ is at the centre, every relationship, friendship, date or marriage becomes an expression of his love, honour and truth.
