CNY is when families gather, (re)unite and celebrate kinship bonds, like how my family used to over our reunion dinner. However, there’s been a growing rift between my dad and sister, and they’re hardly on speaking terms these days. My parents, both non-believers in their 70s, live with her and her family so it’s three generations under one roof. They disagree on nearly everything since their values and priorities differ. I’ve been praying that CNY might be a good time and place to reconcile but am not sure how to go about this.
Relationships
Caught in between quarrelsome parents
As far as I can remember, my parents had a difficult marriage. They never divorced but stayed together for the sake of their children. They would quarrel very often and complain about each other to my siblings and me. They would not speak to each other for many days and would ask us to pass messages on their behalf. As children, we did as we were told. However, the pattern continues today even when I am married and have moved out. My father calls me to vent his frustration with my mother and asks me to speak to her on his behalf. I have told him several times that this is a matter between him and my mother and not to get the children involved. However, I can see that he is very troubled and has no one else to vent his frustration to. By continuing to listen to him and trying to mediate with my mother, am I really helping the situation or encouraging a wrong pattern of behaviour? My parents are not Christian.
My husband does not want to explore IVF
My husband and I have been trying to conceive but have not been successful. We have discussed assistive treatments and did two rounds of IUI to no avail. IVF seems to be the natural next step, which is aligned with my beliefs, desires and hopes, but my husband is not comfortable with the idea. As a woman, I feel that that denies me the opportunity to be a mother and the biological clock is ticking; as a wife, I’m called to submit. What should I do?
Strained relationship with our daughter
Our relationship with our daughter has been hostile for a decade now. Though the three of us are living together, my daughter has been avoiding contact and communication with my wife. Because of the strained relationship, my wife has ever considered evicting her. She believed getting her out of her sight altogether was the only way to deal with the stress of maintaining a fractured relationship. Adding to the problem is that my wife suffers from chronic migraines and IBS. My daughter has been out of a job since the end of last year. It has been a nightmare for me to be caught in between. My wife and I are believers. My daughter is atheist.
Cell group members not building relationships with one another
My cell group functions only when we meet and during church services. Outside of these times, most of the group members don’t seem to have friendships with one another. A few of us, including the cell leader and myself, are trying hard to keep the group going, but the other members are busy doing their own thing and not really involved. How can we improve this situation as it has been going on for some time? How do we keep on going, without feeling burnt out?
When time runs out for a machine-man
He sat scowling and with eyes intently fixed on me throughout the first part of our meeting. Even when correcting some of what his wife and son had said, he never once took his eyes off me. It made me feel a little uncomfortable.
My friends keep hurting me
I have two best friends since secondary school. But both have hurt me deeply through their actions and words. They can’t seem to be there for me when I need them, and they only speak about their problems and do not care about my problems. Each time my friends hurt me, I will distance myself from them but they will apologise and I will return to them. I feel tired emotionally. Should I still be friends with my secondary school mates despite them hurting me? But I know that they will never badmouth me as they love me.
Should I tell my sister I think her son might have special needs?
I think my nephew may have special needs as he exhibits behaviours that are unusual. But I am not an expert on such matters so I can’t be certain. My sister and brother-in-law are stressed out trying to ensure their child is obedient and behaves appropriately. Should I mention my suspicions to them so that they can consider getting him assessed since early intervention is important? I just don’t know whether they will take to it kindly.
The guilt from having aborted my child stays with me
A few years ago, I discovered that I was pregnant with my second child. In the fourth month of pregnancy, the scans revealed that there were developmental issues with my baby. An amniocentesis confirmed the likelihood of genetic conditions that would lead to physical and learning disabilities. My husband and I were devastated and did not know what to do. We sought counselling and even went for healing prayers. Our family members advised us to terminate the pregnancy as the long-term care needs of the child would be tremendous. On the other hand, my Christian friends encouraged us to keep the baby and to trust God for the future. In the end, I chose to terminate the pregnancy as I was already caring for my first child and did not have the capacity or resources to care for a disabled child. I know the Bible is against abortion. Even though what happened is in the past, I still struggle with a sense of guilt. Would God have wanted me to keep my child? Or would he understand that I did not have the ability to care for a disabled child? How do I come to terms with the decision I made?
Hubby doesn’t value date nights
The husband doesn’t value date nights and never puts in effort in planning. He remembers his appointments with his colleagues and friends but nothing about us. Whenever I bring this up, he flares up. I’m tired of the marriage. Should we divorce?
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