You & Your Family

Our lenses when looking at others: Where is the love?

As someone who has been involved in the cause of ending violence in the family for more than 30 years, I am somewhat gratified to see and hear of more people speaking out against toxic masculinity. This version of masculinity— the way some men think about themselves, their roles, values, behaviour and, more importantly, how they relate to women—is toxic or harmful to others, the community and themselves.

When time runs out for a machine-man

He sat scowling and with eyes intently fixed on me throughout the first part of our meeting. Even when correcting some of what his wife and son had said, he never once took his eyes off me. It made me feel a little uncomfortable.

A good man, but …

The email was unexpected. After all, the couple, my clients for the past eight months, were doing well in their relationship and I had witnessed mutual concern for each other’s wellbeing.

Growing love that transcends countries and cultures

One statistic that recently caught my eye is the number of transnational marriages registered in Singapore in 2022. Such marriages, between a citizen and someone hailing from another country, account for about one out of every three unions. This means that of the nearly 30,000 marriages last year, 10,000 were transnational.

Which scoundrel is beside you?

The biblical account of Jesus hanging on the cross, a cruel instrument of capital punishment the Roman Empire reserved for its worst criminals, tells of two others who were being crucified beside him. One of the criminals cried out to Jesus for mercy and forgiveness.

Mixed doubles

My wife and I had the opportunity recently to visit and observe up close some couples—all married for more than 20 years—who appeared as different as chalk and cheese.

When doing your utmost still isn’t enough

Life’s stories do not always have happy endings. Often, the endings are unexpected. Now this may fly in the face of some of us who consider ourselves somehow protected or blessed in life. Some believers may also hold fast to God’s promise in Jeremiah 29:11 of his plans to prosper and not to harm.

Change is more than a feeling or an intent

The final exam of a counselling course I teach involves my students analysing and proposing a plan of action for a hypothetical case. In addition to writing an essay to demonstrate their analytical skills, they do a role play.

How tough is your love?

Love is often associated with ideas of romance, roses, soft-focus pictures and gentle, kind words. Toughness, being stern and exacting, seem to be diametrically opposite. Yet many of us would have heard of “tough love”. What is it?

Surmounting differences with love

A scenario I sometimes use when training counsellors is one of a family in conflict over a daughter’s wish to live with her boyfriend. After a year of living at home after returning from three years of study abroad, the daughter says her boyfriend from overseas is moving to Singapore to work and they plan to live together.

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