You & Your Family

Cookie-cutter fathers, then and now

Each time I run my counselling course, I set the students an essay that asks them to draw their family tree and examine how their family has shaped them. This…

Blissful indifference

Recently, many were unsettled, if not shocked, by news reports of a family’s cruelty to their domestic helper, who was abused and tortured to the point of death. Then there…

Sacrificing well

As I reflect on the topic of sacrifice, especially in the context of family relationships, let me begin with a simple definition. Sacrifice is giving up something to gain something…

Change, obsession and keeping up

I am not sure when it happened. Neither do I know how it happened. What I do know is its signs. What I am referring to is losing the fight…

Before the bridge is burnt

To “burn one’s bridges” is a commonly-used phrase for a situation of no turning back from one’s commitment. For instance, when a general orders his troops to burn or demolish…

Abused and powerless?

It is time to take charge It sounds like a tongue-in-cheek question: “Is there a law protecting parents from being abused by their children?” Increasingly, this question is being asked,…

Values: Aspirational and inspirational

Conversation about values has featured prominently in my sessions with a couple I have been counselling for almost two years. They came in to try to repair their marriage after…

Lest we forget

Connection, compassion, constants “Lest we forget” is often associated with remembrance ceremonies of the Great Wars. It is an appeal to the living not to repeat the mistakes that led to…

It must hurt before it heals

A client of mine is facing a difficult decision, akin to one doctors have to make to save the life of a patient with a badly infected limb—whether to amputate…
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