My mum has been a single parent since I was young. My sibling and I left to study abroad and thereafter returned to Singapore to work. Mum was alone back home, and we assumed she was doing fine. However, after a recent visit to Singapore and some disagreement in our lifestyles, she became distant, often sending us messages of heartbreak. This was the first time we encountered this with our mum. We tried to discuss it with her but she felt that we did not align with her views. She says only God has never forsaken her. We are not sure what can we do to reconcile with her.
Sue-Lynn says
Dear Concerned Children,
I hear your heartfelt desires to be reconciled with your mum and your attempts to repair the relationship. From your mum’s perspective, she might have started feeling the “empty nest” syndrome when your sibling and you left to go overseas. Her loneliness may be intensified as a single adult without companionship, especially when both her children were away for a long period of time. Furthermore, it could have been exacerbated by the differences in views regarding lifestyle.
You might begin by spending more quality time with your mum, doing things you both enjoy, revisiting familiar places and sharing fond memories. There’s no need to force a difficult conversation; simply express your love and care for her. When the time feels right, you could gently ask, “Mum, is there something we can do to improve our relationship?”
As she opens up, try to understand her perspective through patient, non‑judgemental listening, even when it’s difficult. Seek patience and wisdom from God as you honour your parent, acknowledge past hurts on both sides and pursue reconciliation as guided by the Holy Spirit. You may also consider pastoral counselling with your home church if needed.
Finally, if your mum is open, you could also suggest for her to get connected with Bible study or fellowship groups in her local home church or in the community. This may help her develop meaningful friendships, which can form part of her social support network.
