Lately I’ve noticed that my teen daughter seems withdrawn. She doesn’t like to do what she used to enjoy and she’s less chatty. Her grades are not suffering and she is still attending her CCAs. How should I approach this? Is it just a phase or do I finally have a typical teenager living in my home?
Sue-Lynn says
Dear Mother of teen,
Approach her in a “low-stakes” casual setting—a grocery trip, cooking dinner together—ideally on a weekend or holiday. Try: “I notice you’ve been quieter lately and not so into [old hobby]. School and CCAs seem to be taking a lot of your time and energy. I can imagine why you might be tired. I just want you to know I’m here if and when you’d like to talk.”
She may shrug and act nonchalant, wanting to manage things on her own, or she may open up. If it’s the former, give her time and space. Meanwhile, connect through “parallel presence”—being together without forcing conversation: buy her favourite snack and watch a show together, go on a grocery run or offer to drop her off at school. The silence may feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to her chatty self, and you may feel less close to her. Remind yourself this reflects her growing into adolescence. Staying steady and warm through her quiet phases shows her your love is unconditional.
When she opens up, practise active listening, i.e. listening to understand, not to advise, problem-solve, dismiss, criticise or lecture. Reflect her feelings: “That sounds overwhelming” or “It seems like you felt really frustrated when that happened.” If unsure, repeat back what she said to check understanding. Acknowledging her feelings isn’t agreeing with them—it helps her feel seen.
Offer to help work through issues if she’s open; if not, let her figure it out. This is a key developmental task toward independence. As a Christian parent, pray she’ll draw closer to God and open up more to you.
This sounds like a “typical teenager” phase. Teens are exploring identity, often dropping old hobbies for new pursuits, while managing academic load, CCAs, social pressures, hormonal changes, and online life—all of which can prompt withdrawal. She may still be close to you, just differently. It takes time to find communication patterns that fit her teenage years.
