I attend youth service and cell group sessions faithfully, but I feel judged when I want to skip cell for a friend’s birthday, go clubbing occasionally, or skip church when I’m rushing an assignment. I don’t club often—just occasionally when friends invite me, and I make sure I’m never drunk and even help take care of friends who are. I also have wonderful church friends, but some have disappointed me, and I sometimes feel like many of my non-Christian friends are kinder and more gracious. Is it wrong to do these things as a Christian? How do I stop feeling guilty for just trying to live as a normal young person?
Sue-Lynn says
Dear Feeling Judged,
Your main concern seems to be how to stop feeling guilty for skipping church/ youth service/cell group for other appointments or matters.
While it is not wrong to skip church for other appointments, it is good to accord priority to church so we can be taught his Word, build and encourage each other spiritually and worship God with other believers. Hebrews 10:25 tells us not to neglect meeting together, but to encourage one another to do so. Sometimes, by casually skipping church for a sustained period, it may form into a habit which may not be healthy.
Since you mentioned about clubbing and feel you might be being judged, let’s discuss this more. Clubbing in itself is a morally grey area that is not clearly prohibited or permitted in Scripture. Here are some questions for you to consider:
- Is the Holy Spirit convicting me that this is wrong? (1 John 2:27)
- Is this action causing a brother or sister to stumble? (Romans 14:13)
- Is this action more harmful or beneficial to my faith? (1 Corinthians 10:23)
The Bible speaks of the “right judgement” (John 7:24) that opposes sin, preaches the whole counsel of God and is done in loving manner, with patience and for the teaching of the person (2 Timothy 4:2). Judgement that is harsh, unforgiving and self-righteous are wrong. We should only be judged by God’s word, for the word of God is “alive and active” and “judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).
Responding to the hurt feelings of being judged, especially by close church friends, is not easy and calls for discernment. Perhaps you could approach a trusted, mature Christian friend to share your experience and help to process how you may best respond. After which, you can consider approaching the friends whom you felt cast judgement on you to understand if that was their intention and share how it made you feel. You can start with sharing how much you value the friendship and thus want to clear the air. Pray for God to help them respond with grace and kindness, and for the friendship to be repaired.
