My nearly-adult teenage son does well in school both academically and in CCAs. However, he gets into trouble every year for talking back to his teachers. Some teachers absolutely adore him; they are the ones who see his heart. But teachers that are “not nice” will bear the brunt of his talkback because he has no respect for either their poor teaching skills or their difficult personalities. He is often the one at fault, but I don’t know how to get him to rein in his tongue.
Sue-Lynn says
Dear Fed-up Mama,
It’s hard getting our teenage children to listen to well-meaning advice on not talking back to teachers out of respect for their seniority in age and position, especially as they get older. Your son, as a Gen Z, may have grown up in a generation and school environment where teachers are regarded as peers rather than being positionally more senior and thus commanding more respect.
Trying to understand the “why” behind your son’s “talkback” is a good start, especially when approached with a curious, non-judgemental stance. For example, “Teacher A is not great at teaching, can you help me better understand what you mean?” Use his words as far as possible.
Next, try to understand the intent of his “talkback” without assuming, for example, that it is out of disrespect (keeping in mind that Gen Z teens may have different definitions of “respect” from their Gen X parents). For example, he may be expressing his frustration/annoyance/disappointment over what he thinks is poor teaching or the teacher’s difficult personality. Validate those feelings (e.g. “I hear/see that you’re feeling _______ because of _______”) and when you sense he is ready, encourage him to find alternative, more helpful ways to express his underlying emotions and thoughts/perceptions about his respective teachers.
Prayerfully bring in God’s word that encourages us as Christians to let our words reflect the truth of the gospel and how it has transformed our lives (“Let our conversation always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that we may know how to answer to each person”– Colossians 4:6). Thereafter, ask him to consider how he might re-examine the way he talks to his teachers. Provide guidance if needed (i.e. scripts to use to communicate more respectfully with his teachers) and as necessary, pray for a continued heart change that would lead to a continued change in his speech (“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer”– Psalm 19:14).
