Gift a subscription, today.
Subscribe

Family

How to face death

I’m in my 80s. As seniors, we keep active, but there are moments when we reflect on our mortality. How should we face death which could come at any moment? What is heaven like?

CNY gathering at stake with family tensions

CNY is when families gather, (re)unite and celebrate kinship bonds, like how my family used to over our reunion dinner. However, there’s been a growing rift between my dad and sister, and they’re hardly on speaking terms these days. My parents, both non-believers in their 70s, live with her and her family so it’s three generations under one roof. They disagree on nearly everything since their values and priorities differ. I’ve been praying that CNY might be a good time and place to reconcile but am not sure how to go about this.

Caught in between quarrelsome parents

As far as I can remember, my parents had a difficult marriage. They never divorced but stayed together for the sake of their children. They would quarrel very often and complain about each other to my siblings and me. They would not speak to each other for many days and would ask us to pass messages on their behalf. As children, we did as we were told. However, the pattern continues today even when I am married and have moved out. My father calls me to vent his frustration with my mother and asks me to speak to her on his behalf. I have told him several times that this is a matter between him and my mother and not to get the children involved. However, I can see that he is very troubled and has no one else to vent his frustration to. By continuing to listen to him and trying to mediate with my mother, am I really helping the situation or encouraging a wrong pattern of behaviour? My parents are not Christian.

Strained relationship with our daughter

Our relationship with our daughter has been hostile for a decade now. Though the three of us are living together, my daughter has been avoiding contact and communication with my wife. Because of the strained relationship, my wife has ever considered evicting her. She believed getting her out of her sight altogether was the only way to deal with the stress of maintaining a fractured relationship. Adding to the problem is that my wife suffers from chronic migraines and IBS. My daughter has been out of a job since the end of last year. It has been a nightmare for me to be caught in between. My wife and I are believers. My daughter is atheist.

Should I tell my sister I think her son might have special needs?

I think my nephew may have special needs as he exhibits behaviours that are unusual. But I am not an expert on such matters so I can’t be certain. My sister and brother-in-law are stressed out trying to ensure their child is obedient and behaves appropriately. Should I mention my suspicions to them so that they can consider getting him assessed since early intervention is important? I just don’t know whether they will take to it kindly.

The guilt from having aborted my child stays with me

A few years ago, I discovered that I was pregnant with my second child. In the fourth month of pregnancy, the scans revealed that there were developmental issues with my baby. An amniocentesis confirmed the likelihood of genetic conditions that would lead to physical and learning disabilities. My husband and I were devastated and did not know what to do. We sought counselling and even went for healing prayers. Our family members advised us to terminate the pregnancy as the long-term care needs of the child would be tremendous. On the other hand, my Christian friends encouraged us to keep the baby and to trust God for the future. In the end, I chose to terminate the pregnancy as I was already caring for my first child and did not have the capacity or resources to care for a disabled child. I know the Bible is against abortion. Even though what happened is in the past, I still struggle with a sense of guilt. Would God have wanted me to keep my child? Or would he understand that I did not have the ability to care for a disabled child? How do I come to terms with the decision I made?

My father-in-law is different at church and at home

My family lives with my in-laws. My father-in-law is a well-loved member of a Methodist church and is always in good spirits in public. But at home he has a terrible temper. When he is in a bad mood, he shouts at the family, calls his wife “stupid” and causes the rest of the family to walk on eggshells to avoid being the target of his outbursts. The rest of the family see it as normal and don’t think he can change at this age. Do you have any suggestions as to how I could lead him to change and improve his relationship with his family?

My son has daily meltdowns from sensory issues

My son struggles with some sensory issues, and exhibits inflexibility and perfectionist behaviours. Since starting primary school, the demands of school have escalated such behaviours, leading to daily meltdowns—hours of screaming, self-harm and incessant erasing and rewriting. However, in school, he is a model student! The whole family’s life has been put on hold, and we are centred around keeping him calm and safe. I feel this is not fair for his older siblings whose needs may have been sidelined. I’ve considered taking him out of school, but many say he will outgrow this behaviour. Will he? How can I manage things better?

Should I maintain confidentiality for a relative’s problem when she is 18 years old?

Recently, my wife’s cousin’s 18-year-old daughter got into some trouble relating to fraudulent transactions, sex scams, etc. and called me for legal advice. After giving her some preliminary advice and linking her up with a lawyer friend to represent her in the case, she asked me not to tell anyone, especially her parents, of her situation. While I tried my best to encourage her to be upfront and honest with her parents, she refused. Should I tell her parents what happened or maintain confidentiality and hope that she tells them herself?

More
More

Aug 2026

Jul 2026

Jun 2026

May 2026

Apr 2026

Mar 2026

Feb 2026

Jan 2026

Dec 2025

Nov 2025

Oct 2025

Sep 2025

Aug 2025

Jul 2025

Jun 2025

May 2025

Apr 2025

Mar 2025

Feb 2025

Jan 2025

Dec 2024

Nov 2024

Oct 2024

Sep 2024

Aug 2024

Jul 2024

Jun 2024

May 2024

Apr 2024

Mar 2024

Feb 2024

Jan 2024

Dec 2023

Nov 2023

Oct 2023

Sep 2023

Aug 2023

Jul 2023

Jun 2023

May 2023

Apr 2023

Mar 2023

Feb 2023

Jan 2023

Dec 2022

Nov 2022

Oct 2022

Sep 2022

Aug 2022

Jul 2022

Jun 2022

May 2022

Apr 2022

Mar 2022

Feb 2022

Jan 2022
Archived Issues
Menu