I admire my co-worker very much. We talk about everything, even our Christian faith. The tricky bit is she has a boyfriend, and I have been very careful not to cross any boundaries. I have come close to sharing my feelings for her, holding back only because I don’t want to ruin whatever respect she has for me as a Christian guy. Of course, I feel terrible for wanting to “steal” another guy’s girl. However, if I don’t seize this chance now, I may regret not trying. Is this statement true: “All’s fair in the name of love and war”?
Joey says
Dear John,
I think you instinctively know that telling her how you feel is not the honourable thing to do, because you know that you risk losing her respect for you. The world says, “seize the opportunity”, but the kingdom of God runs on a totally different value system: it runs on selfless love. To love is to will the good of the other. Whose good are you willing in this situation? Would the loving thing to do (for her and her boyfriend) be for you to “seize the chance” to tell her how you feel? Or would it be selfish? Or to ask these questions in another way: who are you considering when you are holding back and who are you considering when you want to tell her? Furthermore, if she does leave her boyfriend for you, is this how you want the relationship to begin?
It may seem in this situation that you have to choose between happiness and honour, and to have either one without the other does not appear to be a good outcome. But there is a third option, that is, to have both. You can only access this third (and ideal) option by trusting God to write your love story. If she is meant for you, God will make a way. If she’s not, let God surprise you with something better.
I would advise you to draw better boundaries with your sister in Christ to safeguard her conscience and yours, and to protect her heart and yours. If you are developing feelings for her, you are most likely spending too much time and going too deep emotionally. It’s best to dial back on the frequency and emotional depth of the conversations to give yourself some space for the emotions to cool. Invite God to guide your heart, instead of allowing your emotions to lead you.
