My partner and I have been together for three years, and we are Christians. We started with a commitment to keep God at the centre of our relationship and avoid sexual temptation. But over time we struggled and fell into sin, leaving us feeling guilty and discouraged. I also feel like I am constantly initiating prayer and Bible reading. My partner says he is trying to strengthen his own relationship with God before leading ours, but I feel tired of waiting. I’ve prayed multiple times that if this relationship is not God’s will for me, he should remove it. I also don’t want to live in sin while serving in church. How can we resist temptation as a couple?
Benny says
Dear Ms Seeking Wisdom,
Your query tells me of two young individuals who are in love with each other and who also want to love the Lord. On the surface, there is nothing wrong with this, except for the fact that it sounds that you are both not yet married to each other but are having sexual relations with each other. This has left you feeling guilty each time you cannot resist being intimate with each other.
The key to not feeling guilty is to refrain from having sex and this means not exposing yourselves to temptation. We become tempted when we spend one-on-one time with each other and this can even happen during Bible Study or praying alone with each other. Doing such activities that helps build our faith in the company of others would present fewer tempting situations. It is also wise to avoid testing one’s resolve of remaining chaste by also avoiding travelling alone overseas and sleeping over.
You may feel that since you both have already crossed the line on a few occasions, what is the point of abstaining now? For good reason: that you love each other. Having sex is more than love and affection. There is desire and lust involved too. But abstaining from sex until marriage has more to do with love. You are signally to each other that even though you both desire each other so much, you also want to keep it for a special time and period. You are affirming that sexual intimacy, the most intimate experience between two people, should be reserved for two persons who want to give their lives to each other.
You should have a discussion with your partner on your plans on settling down. To be clear, getting married so that you both can have sexual intimacy in a morally and spiritual correct manner should not be the only or main reason for marriage. But if the wait is too long and puts a strain on one or both of you, then you may want to plan a more realistic wedding date.
