My husband and I have been married for ten years. We are both Methodists. During this time, he has been abusive emotionally, verbally and physically. He has also been exhibiting aggressive behaviour and threatened my 5-year-old child. For safety reasons, I filed a Personal Protection Order (PPO) for myself and my children, but it was dismissed. I have since filed for a divorce. It has been very difficult getting support from the Methodist church. How can I leave my marriage immediately while ensuring my children are safe, and how can people like me be better supported by the Methodist church? Where can we find Christian support to walk this journey with us?
Benny says
Dear Methodist,
Your disappointment is felt, from not successfully getting the PPO to finding it difficult to get Christian support in this journey.
Let me make two broad points. The first is that seeking a permanent end to a marriage is usually not the first course of action one takes when faced with a crisis. I am sure that you had sought other potential remedies, such as seeking the advice, counsel and intervention of the pastor and the church. And if danger is imminent, leaving the presence of the abuser or calling the police may be necessary as a stop-gap measure. I have not, in my 40-plus years of counselling, met a victim of violence who has left a marriage without making some attempts at trying to remedy the situation. But unfortunately, any repair requires the work of all parties involved.
The second point is that violence in the home, in a marriage, be it Christian, Methodist or otherwise, is not to be tolerated. I am heartened that you have taken the steps to seek protection for your children and yourself because living without fear of hurt and danger should be a basic right for any individual, be they are Methodist or not.
As for how to ensure the children’s safety, longer term safety comes only when abusers respect the authority of the courts, realise that the police will act and give up their propensity to use power and control over others. As Christians, we know that deep lasting change comes through submission to the transformative power and grace of our Lord.
Counselling services and assistance can appear obscure and fragmented to those in need. Here are some services offered by Methodist churches and other churches:
- Barker Road Methodist Church’s Care Centre (https://www.brmc.org.sg/wecare/care-centre/)
- Wesley Counselling Centre (https://wesleymc.org/care/counselling)
- DivorceCare, a 13-week Christian programme for those going through, or have gone through, divorce. This is run by many churches in Singapore, including Paya Lebar Methodist Church. For more information, visit https://find.divorcecare.org/countries/sg/cities/singapore
