My good friend and I have been shortlisted for a nationwide competition where we could be chosen to represent our school. We have different strengths and it is hard to say who will get chosen. As it is so competitive in Singapore, both of us desperately want to be chosen as we will get to list it as an achievement and get CCA points. But I am afraid that our friendship will change after this. How should I approach this in the right way?
Sue-Lynn says
Dear CCA Blues,
Perhaps it may be wise to have a discussion before the results are out. Talk to your good friend about how much you value the friendship and your concerns about how the friendship may be affected by the results. Acknowledge the possible emotions. For example, the person who gets chosen may feel excited and proud to represent the school yet feel unsure whether she should share her feelings and experiences with the other, for fear of stirring up more feelings of disappointment or even jealously. It would be good to give each other space after the result to process their thoughts and feelings individually. You can both agree that the person who did not get chosen will tell the other person know when she is ready to talk.
I sense there may be an underlying question about identity and self-worth. I can see why listing this as part of your achievement and gaining CCA points matters to you. When our achievements and accolades become our identity and get intrinsically tied to our self-worth, it’s easy to forget who we first are. Remember that we are beloved children of God and he is constantly calling us to himself. Our identity rooted in him is ever true and it is unchanging with the seasons, joys and challenges of life. I hope the lyrics from the song “My Worth is Not in What I Own (At the Cross)” by Keith and Kristyn Getty may be an encouragement to you.
“My worth is not in what I own
Not in the strength of flesh and bone
But in the costly wounds of love
At the cross
My worth is not in skill or name
In win or lose, in pride or shame
But in the blood of Christ that flowed
At the cross”
