Life and the game of golf share some parallels. In a typical 18-hole golf game, the ninth hole represents the turning point. This halfway mark usually sees players circling back to their starting point. It is often also where the Club House welcomes tired golfers with rest and cool refreshment after hours under the hot sun and tricky shots. As for life, much of it is a relentless march of years of examinations and challenges, enduring days with little sleep and yet finding the capacity to care for one’s children while meeting corporate targets and fending off competition. What awaits many in life’s long tiresome journey is retirement, when they can take things easy and enjoy life. At least, that is what the popular script says.
What does life into the ninth hole of human existence look like? Singaporeans’ overall average life expectancy at birth is currently at about 83 years. Twenty years ago, it was around 80 years while for those born in the mid-50s, it was about 60 years of age. This increased lifespan presents mixed blessings.
Those who have prepared well with sound financial planning and maintaining good health can hope to ride out life’s usual storms in a fairly good state. But not all are so fortunate. Even with prudent savings, a chronic or serious health challenge can more than take the wind out of our sails. There is also the prospect, or may I say the certainty, that as we grow older our familiar social landscape will change. Ex-colleagues, neighbours, family and friends may pass on before we do.
Eric Erickson’s work on the eight psychosocial stages of life may be familiar to many of us. The eight stages are marked by developmental milestones where successful resolution of each unique challenge sees us better prepared for the next milestone.
Erickson’s work stopped with the eighth stage (which approximates individuals’ mid-60s). Joan Erickson, his wife and mostly silent collaborator, has proposed an additional stage that goes well into the 80s and 90s. In this ninth stage, earlier developmental crises may have to be confronted again as this final period is marked by physical and cognitive decline, leading to certain outcomes.
We may, for instance, experience despair about our circumstances, frustration with stagnation in our lives or isolation. Former roles may be replaced by ones we do not desire, such as being on the receiving end of care. As frailty grows, feelings of inferiority may increase. As we become more dependent upon others, our capacity to trust gets tested. Some may feel shame as control over bodily functions is lost.
What does God’s Word say about life in the ninth stage for believers? Scripture does not deny the reality that our outer nature is wasting away but states clearly that our inner nature is being renewed every day (2 Corinthians 4:16).
What does God’s Word say about life in the ninth stage for believers? Scripture does not deny the reality that our outer nature is wasting away but states clearly that our inner nature is being renewed every day (2 Corinthians 4:16). Is this possible or just wishful thinking? A paradigm shift in perspective can make this impossibility become possible. It is a reminder that the world and our existence is transient and life goes far beyond the ninth hole. This viewpoint comes as a consequence, not just a hope, of God’s redemptive and transformative work in our lives—though we are jars of clay (2 Cor 4: 7), there is treasure within us.
What is this treasure within us? A certain 92-year-old lady comes to mind. Though she moves with the aid of two walking sticks, she is always looking out to care for others. Aware that her body is ailing and time limited, she lives by the injunction in Galatians 6:2 to bear one another’s burdens. She is constantly attentive to the needs of the church leaders and of members who seem to be by themselves and alone. How she looks beyond her own needs and interests is a testament of God’s work through her. It is a clear example that God’s power knows no age limit.
Another passage that is no less true for us who may be in our later years is to “lift up [our] eyes, and see that the fields are white for harvest” (John 4:35). You may not consider yourself an evangelist, but someone you have known for years may be more open to listen to you than to a young pastor no matter how gifted he may be. The call for each of us to be labourers and prayer warriors holds true until the day the Lord calls us home.
Finally, for life’s ninth hole and beyond, we have God’s promise in Isaiah 46:4: “Even to your old age I am he, and to grey hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save.” He is always with us even as we approach our finish line. This promise gives us hope and courage to soldier on.
It became a journey requiring quick changes to set plans, something that I am unused to. It forced us to trust God even more. And with these changes came greater clarity of our priorities—was completing our walk more important than our health and peace of mind?
Benny Bong has over 40 years of experience as a therapist, counsellor and trainer. He also conducts regular talks and webinars. Benny has helmed the You & Your Family column for more than 20 years and is a member of Kampong Kapor Methodist Church.
