I saw my colleague’s profile on a dating app that I use. I know that he’s married with kids. A mutual colleague who knows his wife also saw it and we are wondering what we should do, or not do anything at all and mind our own business.
Benny says
Dear Shocked,
What should you do? The keyword is “should”, which implies a sense of obligation or an expectation attached to your discovery on this supposed questionable representation of self by your colleague. (I say supposed just in case there is a situation of mistaken identity or perhaps an inappropriate use of his identity by someone else.)
Assuming you are right, what is your obligation to him and his wife, if any? Are you your brother’s keeper? Some might argue that you might be, if your colleague is a close friend and/or a brother-in-Christ. Should you speak with him and, if so, what might you raise? Would your concern be his misrepresentation of himself, his motive for being on a dating site while married, or the disharmony his actions could cause in his marriage? Also, you may want to consider his possible reaction to your concerns. Would he be receptive, embarrassed, or annoyed and ask you to mind your own business? All these possible reactions may also be influenced by how close you are as friends.
If the above considerations are challenging, deciding on whether to speak with his wife becomes even more difficult. If you are a friend of the couple, you might feel a greater obligation to speak with her. If so, ask carefully about the state of their relationship or warn her of your concerns. Remember to present your suspicions and concern in a tentative manner allowing her to arrive at her own conclusions. Again, if you do any of these actions, you do so not as a colleague but as a concerned friend.
At least two persons known to your colleague have seen his dating app profile and identify him. This means that his reputation and standing may be somewhat tarnished. It would be advisable for your colleague act with greater discretion.
Do remember to take some time for prayerful consideration before taking action. A broader concern is how the on-line space can have its challenges besides its opportunities. The caution one should exercise when interacting and meeting strangers on-line.
