I have a friend who keeps postponing our meetups. Each time, she will say that she is busy with her work or she has prior engagements. I usually find myself the one who initiates. Even when she makes plans, she doesn’t follow through. Should I continue to ask this friend out?
Benny says
Dear Tired Girl,
It sounds like your friendship is lacking in two important ingredients. The first is respect and the second is mutuality. I sense a lack of respect from how she cancelled on you several times. We can be understanding if there is a valid reason like a pressing work deadline or a family crisis, but being stood up suggests: “I do not see the need to keep my word” and “I do not respect your time or commitments”.
Mutuality is what makes friendship rewarding and meaningful. Mutuality is when one’s sacrifice and giving to the relationship is responded to by the other giving back. It need not be equal responses in quantity or quality but the other reciprocates when he/she can.
Contrast this with one party always giving and the other only taking and you wonder if one is being used by the other. Of course, there may be times and situations when we are prepared to go the extra mile for the other, for a specific reason. Perhaps it is time to invest your time and attention on someone who appreciates it and not take you for granted.
