My wife and I have a three-year-old son. I was hoping to have another child so that my son may have a companion and someone to share his burdens with, especially when we are in our old age. However, my wife is not keen on it due to various reasons. I am concerned that by the time she might be ready to have a second child, it would be too late as we are both in our late 30s. What should I do in this situation? How should I adjust my thinking to accept that we would only have one child?
Benny says
Dear Concerned Dad,
The topic of becoming a parent can be one of the more challenging issues a couple face. There are some couples who choose not to have children, while others may want children but are unable to. The latter may lead to considering whether to start a family by adoption or to have one with medical assistance. For those who can have children on their own, there is the question of how many and when.
The concern of an only child having to face the future alone once both his parents have passed is a growing one. But this concern assumes that siblings will be close and capable enough to care for each other. Communities today and in the future are relying more on care networks that extend far beyond the immediate family members. And what our society will be like in thirty years is beyond our imagination.
What are your wife’s reasons for her decision not to have more children? It is good to determine if they amount to a “firm no”, “never” or under the present circumstances, “not now”. I understand that time and procreation wait for no man or women (to appropriate a saying). But a rushed or long-term commitment entered into reluctantly is ill-advised.
In the meantime, enjoy the gift of your present child. Who knows, it may be an experience one wants to repeat again and again!
