My husband of 25 years told me he fell in love with someone my daughter’s age. He says he has never felt this way before. I consider this infidelity. He does not because he says he is fighting his feelings. I am so hurt. Is he right? Am I too sensitive? How can I be with a man who doesn’t love me but loves someone else?
Joey says
Dear Broken,
My response is based on the understanding that no physical boundaries were crossed between your husband and the lady, since there was no mention of it.
It is painful to hear your husband say that he has feelings for someone else. However, it is a promising sign that he has chosen to be honest with you and is choosing to fight the feelings. That he is fighting and not going with his feelings indicates that he treasures the marriage. He may be reaching out to you for support in this fight by being honest. If that’s the case, I would encourage you to fight alongside him.
It is possible that there was emotional infidelity but that depends on how far the emotional ties went. Regardless of whether there was or wasn’t an emotional affair (that can be sorted out later), what is key in the immediate future is how you and the relationship will heal from this. His developing feelings for someone else may be a symptom of existing marital issues that need to be dealt with. If you are both committed to the marriage and to the healing process, there is a good chance that you both can heal and recover from this, and the marriage can come out of this stronger. Looking for a professional marriage counsellor that you have rapport with to help guide you both through this episode will be a matter of priority.
The healing journey will be difficult. When you feel overwhelmed by the pain, take it to God in prayer. Let him show you what he wants for your marriage and let him lead you in your response that your response may be God-honouring (and not out of your own flesh).
