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Family

Intrusive mother-in-law

I have been living with my in-laws since we got married. My husband is the only son and when we got married he asked I was fine to stay with his parents since he has a duty to care for them. They are elderly and my father-in-law has dementia. Now that we have two young kids, I would like my own home and space. I do not get along with my mother-in-law as she is intrusive and feels that since the home is theirs, she can do what she likes, including coming into our rooms. I have spoken to my husband many times but if we move out, there is no one else to help care for his parents. I am frustrated because I not only have to care for my two kids, I have to care for two elderly people who do not appreciate what I do for them. At the same time, I want to submit to my husband as he is the head of the home.

Worried that my daughter is gay

I suspect my young adult daughter is gay and she has a girlfriend who stays over regularly. She has stopped going to church and feels that Christians are very narrow-minded and judgemental. She is supportive towards the LGBT community and attends events like Pink Dot. I am considering if I should ask her directly about her sexual orientation to remove my doubts. At the same time, I know that the truth may devastate me, and I am not sure if I can handle it. Should I leave the matter and just commit to God, or should I proactively speak to my daughter and share the Christian stance on same-sex relationships?

It’s unfair that my brother is doing well when he does not know God

Why does it seem that things are going so well for my brother even though he doesn’t have God in his life? He has a stable job, enjoys his time going out with friends and has found a life partner (albeit a non- Christian), while I spend most of my free time on church activities and have yet to find a life partner. It seems unfair to me.

Dealing with my mother’s bipolar disorder

I’ve had to deal with my mother’s mood swings for the past 16 years since she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and prior to that, with her depressive episodes since my father passed away in my teens. Often, to preserve my own sanity and protect my children from the toxicity and negativity, I’ve chosen to keep a distance as each visit leaves me emotionally drained. I continue to care for her and maintain constant contact via text. But I am often made to feel guilty by well-meaning friends who feel I should spend more time with her. Where do I draw the line between honouring my mother, and caring for myself and my family?

Gentle parenting and corporal punishment

I’m a mother of a 2-year-old and have been reading about parenting and discipline as my child goes through the “terrible twos”. There has been growing popularity in positive or gentle discipline, where parents are advised not to carry out corporal (or physical) punishment. Some even advise not to say “no” to bad behaviour (such as hitting) but instead, ignore the bad behaviour or re-direct a child’s attention. Some also advise against telling our child to share their toys, fearing that it will result in a person who is unable to say “no” to others. What are your views on gentle parenting and corporal punishment? Can you advise on tried and tested ways to discipline a child in the way he should go?

My mother’s family tries to control my father and me

My mother’s family is very controlling. When she died, they even exerted influence and control over my father’s finances. After many years of therapy and counselling, I managed to cut ties completely with my mother’s family for the sake of my sanity as they were making unreasonable demands. How do I reconcile my forgiveness and not feel guilty about not maintaining any contact with my mum’s family?

Estranged daughter refuses my efforts to reach out

I have an estranged daughter based in Australia. No matter how I try to reach her, she refuses to reply in spite of my apologies for having said hurtful words to her while growing up. How should I untie the knot?

My parents treat the helper badly

My elderly parents have unreasonably high expectations of domestic helpers. When everyday things are not done their way, they get upset and raise their voices. This causes a lot of tension at home. Many helpers have come and gone, and I am afraid we will soon be barred by the Ministry of Manpower from hiring any more. How do I persuade my parents that they need a mindset change about helpers and to treat them kindly?

Moving on from parents’ divorce

My parents divorced some years ago. I was already an adult when it happened. But till today, I struggle with feelings of betrayal, anger, disillusionment and sadness. I live my life in a constant attempt to escape from these feelings. My attempts at gaining closure by talking to my mother were met with, “You were grown up, don’t be so sensitive! / You shouldn’t be affected”, or it would end up in a huge argument. Henceforth, I kept everything to myself. When I think of old times, the tears still start to flow, like it happened yesterday. My mother has remarried, but I still pine daily for my parents and family to be reunited. I don’t want to live like this anymore. How do I move on?

LGBTQ at my son’s school

My 16-year-old son tells me that his school (an all-boys school) has a handful of students who have openly declared they are gay, bisexual or gender fluid. How should I handle this as a Christian parent, while showing that it is important to love all our neighbours?

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