This year, as The Methodist Church of Singapore celebrates its 140 years in Singapore, Methodist Message (MM) collated a selection of my over 200 articles into a book entitled Restoration. Among the congratulatory messages received when the book was published, there was one unusual comment.
Relationships
My husband and I have drifted apart
I have been married for five years now and my husband is a backslidden Christian. In the last one to two years, we have drifted apart as he is a ride-hailing driver and works during the night when I am asleep. We are no longer a couple but more like friends. We are headed towards divorce if this continues as he has no intention for any counselling or does not seem to want to work on the marriage. What should I do? ~ Confused
I cannot go on any longer in this marriage
I have been married for more than 30 years. I do not have a healthy relationship with my husband as he tends to be critical and even verbally abusive. I’ve wanted to divorce him many times over the years but didn’t because I know God does not want divorce and I stayed on because of the children. I bear with him because he came from a broken family and perhaps doesn’t know better. Now that my children are grown up and things have not changed, I am thinking that I should think about myself in my later years. In fact, my children have encouraged me to leave my husband because of how he treats me. I have suggested going for counselling but my husband is not open to that. Even when I tried to explain how I felt, he ends up blaming me. I feel that I cannot go on any longer in this marriage and don’t know what to do. ~ Exhausted
Is it possible to remarry in a Methodist church?
I’m a divorcee and I’m looking to get married again. My ex-wife and I divorced because of her money habits. She had lent various people/family members over $40k without telling me and had issues about saving money, amongst other issues that led to mental neglect. Our divorce was not due to infidelity.
Now, I have found someone that I would like to settle down with and give marriage a second try. Would it be okay for us to get married in a Methodist church? Would a Methodist pastor be able to solemnise our wedding? If not, would it be okay to use the church hall but have a non-Methodist pastor solemnise our wedding? ~ Joseph
A victim mentality and the blame game
Life can be very unpredictable and some may say unfair. This is especially so when things outside our control happen to us. This includes being born with a disability or into a family where the level of care falls short. Or being betrayed by someone we trust. Or being in the wrong place at the wrong time when hit by a crime. When we find ourselves in such circumstances, we feel like a victim.
Teenage son talks back to his teachers
My nearly-adult teenage son does well in school both academically and in CCAs. However, he gets into trouble every year for talking back to his teachers. Some teachers absolutely adore him; they are the ones who see his heart. But teachers that are “not nice” will bear the brunt of his talkback because he has no respect for either their poor teaching skills or their difficult personalities. He is often the one at fault, but I don’t know how to get him to rein in his tongue. ~ Fed-up Mama
Caught between two friends
I am friends with a couple and have known the husband and wife for nearly a decade now. On the outside, they look like the perfect couple—stable jobs, great kids, nice house, God-fearing family. However, both the husband and wife confide in me separately and share their deepest, darkest secrets with me. They do not know that I am hearing both sides of their stories. I have told them to talk to each other in my separate chats, or to consider couples counselling. How should I tell them I do not want to be involved and that it’s too much for me? ~ Friend in the middle
My husband is “fighting his feelings” towards another woman—is this infidelity?
My husband of 25 years told me he fell in love with someone my daughter’s age. He says he has never felt this way before. I consider this infidelity. He does not because he says he is fighting his feelings. I am so hurt. Is he right? Am I too sensitive? How can I be with a man who doesn’t love me but loves someone else? ~ Broken
Is it okay for my husband to give his female colleague a ride to work frequently?
My husband and I have been married for seven years and we have two children. Recently, I found out that he has been giving a female colleague a ride to work frequently. I found this out by accident when I saw a message coming into his phone which was left on the table, confirming pick-up time. When I asked my husband about it, he said this colleague lives along the way to the office and her husband was unable to send her to work on some days. He claimed that he picked her up only occasionally and he was just being helpful. I do not feel comfortable with this arrangement and told him so. Instead of respecting my wishes, he accused me of being controlling and insecure. I also found out that after a business trip they would share a taxi back together as our homes are close. While this sounds convenient, I am not comfortable with the thought. What should I do? Am I being difficult? ~ Concerned
My friends laugh at me and avoid me
I am an 11-year-old. I have a small group of friends but recently they have been hanging out with my ex-friend. Sometimes they laugh at me and avoid me. Should I confront them or just stay quiet? ~ Lonely
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