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At The Well

Too close for comfort

My 12-year-old son is very close to me. As his mother, I love him but I do not like the way he clings to me sometimes. Some days when he wants my attention, he grabs my arm and pulls me towards him. As he is getting bigger, I feel tired trying to resist the force of his movements. When he is chastised for disobeying instructions for instance, instead of rectifying his behaviour, he asks me to hug him first. It feels like he’s trying to evade or delay punishment and sometimes I tell him to do what he has to do before coming for a hug. This makes him upset and he has told me before that he feels hurt when I refuse to hug him. I am tired from the physical and emotional demands even though I love him. What can I do to make him understand that I would like some personal space without making him feel rejected? ~ Drained

My wife does not want more children, but I do

My wife and I have a three-year-old son. I was hoping to have another child so that my son may have a companion and someone to share his burdens with, especially when we are in our old age. However, my wife is not keen on it due to various reasons. I am concerned that by the time she might be ready to have a second child, it would be too late as we are both in our late 30s. What should I do in this situation? How should I adjust my thinking to accept that we would only have one child? ~ Concerned Dad

Double standards of WFO/WFH implementation

I’m one of 12 heads of department (HODs) in a 200-staff organisation. We have a hybrid arrangement and work from home two days per week. However, there are teams not following this corporate rule and which come to the office once or twice a week. The HODs have agreed to enforce this rule but only half are doing so. Meanwhile, the rule abiders are demoralised by the double standards and management’s ineffectiveness. In fact, one of the bosses seem to be condoning the flouting of rules. The senior management is aware but nothing’s been done. I feel conflicted as a believer because I want to show integrity, strong work ethics and values, but I can’t help but identify with the unfairness. What should I do? ~ Conflicted

My colleagues take advantage of my helpful nature

I can’t claim to be an ardent follower of Philippians 2:3-4 where it says we should consider others first before self, but I try. My peers at work, however, see this as my weakness and take advantage of it. Working in an NGO where teamwork is emphasised, my colleagues frequently request my help with their admin tasks—work I am not good at or like to do, and certainly not my core area of responsibility. While I am glad to help and grateful to God for his spirit working in me, I am in a dilemma as to how to cope with my real duties and not be appraised as under-performing or unhelpful. How should I manage being a good employee and still reflect Christ in me? ~ itCost2bConsiderate

Relative who has questionable spending habits wants to borrow money

My close relative has been facing financial difficulties for the past few years. He has approached different relatives or friends to ask for money. Some time back, he shared his challenges and asked me if I could loan him a sum of money. At that time, I told him that I was not able to as I did not have funds. Recently, he found out that I received a big payout and has asked to meet with me. I believe he will be asking for money again. I feel conflicted as he is nice and helpful to all and has done some favours for my family. But I question how he manages his expenses. I want to help but am I enabling him to continue a habit of living beyond his means?

My child wants tuition even though she doesn’t need it

My child is doing decently in school. However, she feels insecure about not having tuition, as many of her peers do. We can afford it; I’m just not sure she needs it. Yet, it’s become a sore point, and I wonder if she sees it as our lack of support. Maybe she is the ambitious type and won’t settle until she is the top of the pack? What should I do?

My staff can’t seem to work independently

I supervise someone at work. She has been in this role for almost 20 years. While I try to empower and not micromanage, I have realised that she is often not able to work independently and/or think proactively about improving work processes. How do I encourage or help her to understand that she has to think more independently instead of having me tell her what to do? ~ the reluctant supervisor

Should I continue dating a narcissist?

I’m in my 30s and currently seeing a guy in his late 40s. I really enjoy his company and he is wonderful in many aspects. However, he displays some narcissistic traits and has inflated his credentials and background. He lied about his age and had two previous marriages which he did not disclose. I get the sense that he might be insecure and may have been hurt by his previous relationships. Should I continue seeing him? How can I encourage him to be truthful? Can I truly love someone who is broken and a narcissist?

My friends accuse me of things and fat-shame me

I had a big breakup with two of my secondary school friends. Since the start of the year, we had multiple one-sided arguments and they hurt me unknowingly (or maybe not). I stay in the northeast, and they stay in the central area. Once, they scolded me for not compromising to their request to meet in the central area, but most of the time, I do, in fact, meet them there. Recently, I gained a lot of weight due to health issues and they have been fat-shaming me, saying my ugliness and weight gain is the cause of my singleness. What should I do?

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