Relationships

Why it’s important to “be the change”

The sentence, “You must be the change you want to see in your life” is often attributed to the late Mahatma Gandhi, the great social activist and strong advocate of personal empowerment. Regardless of who actually wrote this, it reflects a positive change that I do see in my clients from time to time.

My daughter has gender dysphoria and wants a sex change surgery

My 17-year-old child has gender dysphoria. As my husband and I are Christians, we have tried our best to share with her about what the Bible says about sexuality and at the same time show her love and acceptance. She has pleaded with us to allow her to go for a sex change surgery and because we refused, she has become distraught and engages in self-harm. Our relationship with her has become very strained. We brought her to see a counsellor but the sessions end up as heated arguments because she will not accept our views and feels that we are imposing our Christian beliefs on her. As parents, we are at our wits’ end. It pains us to see her struggle mentally and emotionally. We also struggle with guilt and wonder how things have turned out this way. ~ Help

Do I bring my daughter to visit a friend whose adult child has a live-in partner of the same sex in their home?

A friend has a daughter who is lesbian and has a live-in partner … in my friend’s home. My friend is Christian but her daughter is not. My question is not about my friend’s or her daughter’s choices, but mine, as a parent. Should we bring along my primary-school aged daughter to visit her during Christmas and Chinese New Year, as we used to do? Part of me does not want to expose my daughter to a non-Christian model of family, but yet, to shield her from it seems futile. ~ Awkward

My recently widowed father is dating a woman who is younger than me

I am in my 40s and married with teenage children. My mother passed away from illness about six months ago. Recently, I found out that my 75-year-old father is dating a foreign lady who is younger than me. He introduced her to us at a family dinner and privately told us that that he plans to let her move into our family home. He then asked me to clear out my old room so she could move her things in. I was very angry and upset. I also do not feel comfortable with this lady, and I feel suspicious of her. I expressed caution to my father, but he is totally caught up with her. I understand my father is grieving, lonely and seeks companionship, but I want to protect him from being taken advantage of. ~ Suspicious

When honouring one parent upsets the other

Honouring our parents is the fifth of the Ten Commandments. While some of us may struggle with keeping this commandment completely and constantly, my client had a particularly tough challenge—how to honour one parent without upsetting the other.

Is an Advance Medical Directive appropriate for Christians?

Is an Advance Medical Directive (AMD) allowed in a biblical world view, if we acknowledge that God is in control of our lives? I am going for a surgery and want to be prepared so that my family does not have to face difficult decisions or financial burdens as I am already in my senior years. ~ Singaporean senior

If a spouse agrees to divorce, would it mean he doesn’t believe that God can heal the marriage?

From what I understand, divorce is permissible if one party commits adultery and wants to divorce their legal spouse. If the spouse agrees to the divorce, would it mean he/she does not believe that God can heal the marriage? On the other hand, if the spouse does not agree to the divorce, is he/she being stubborn and overly optimistic? In what circumstances would God not want the spouse to divorce the party who continues to commit adultery? ~ Wondering

P4 son is asking for a mobile phone

My son has been asking me for a mobile phone after seeing his peers owning one. He is in Primary 4 and I only intend to get him one when he is in Upper Secondary. How should I educate him that he can own a mobile phone but only when he is much older? ~ Wondering Father

My friend keeps cancelling our meetups

I have a friend who keeps postponing our meetups. Each time, she will say that she is busy with her work or she has prior engagements. I usually find myself the one who initiates. Even when she makes plans, she doesn’t follow through. Should I continue to ask this friend out? ~ Tired Girl

Breaking up before breaking down

A woman in her late twenties sought counselling for her relationship with her boyfriend. In their nine years together, they were twice on the verge of breaking up. On both occasions, she initiated it because of his addiction to pornography. The woman was torn between her unhappiness over his habit* and her feelings for him. These feelings were kept going by his promises to kick the habit and his threat to harm himself if she left him.

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