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You & Your Family

Responding to the miracle of life: Thoughts from a new grandparent

My wife and I recently entered a new phase of life. We became grandparents. When sharing this news with family and friends, many responded with, “Congratulations!” Not only did they say it, but some also actually expressed feelings of joy on our behalf.

Memories: what we choose to remember and what we try to forget

My German friend pointed out seven brass objects shaped as cobblestones in front of a house. Inscribed on them were the names of the seven members of a Jewish family who once lived there. They were evicted and sent to concentration camps, never to be heard of again.

Are you being gaslighted?

The client reported that she was being gaslighted! She had been trying to clarify her husband’s relationship with another woman. Instead of a straight denial or admission, he turned on her and told her she was “overthinking”. He then went on to run her down by accusing her of having “a suspicious mind”, being “small minded” and “overly conservative”. The torrent of insults and attacks left her feeling hurt and regretting having raised the subject at all. Her initial doubt of her husband’s fidelity turned to doubts about herself.

Utara: Finding our true north

Years ago, when Singaporean families went on holiday, it often took the form of a road trip to Cameron Highlands or to Kuala Lumpur. The road then was an undivided two-way road that snaked up north and was periodically signposted with signs that read “Utara” (or North in English). Regardless of the occasional detours, twists and turns, if you followed the Utara signs and stayed on the road, you would eventually reach Kuala Lumpur.

Letting go and moving on with time

I recently learnt of a rather clever and useful cosmetic item called a concealer. It is used to hide skin discolouration, blemishes or creases. I saw a demonstration of its effectiveness by someone near and dear to me and was amazed by how it appeared to erase flaws. I should add here, before my enthusiasm gets the better of me, that the concealer, rather than eliminating blemishes, helped cover them up for a time.

From message to messenger

The 12 men came on stage as the opening item. Ranging in age from the early 40s to late 60s and dressed in blue jeans and T-shirts, they looked confident and determined. Linking arms they began to sway and sing to the tune of Robbin Williams’ song “A Better Man”. The lyrics, however, had been re-written by one of the men.

Our lenses when looking at others: Where is the love?

As someone who has been involved in the cause of ending violence in the family for more than 30 years, I am somewhat gratified to see and hear of more people speaking out against toxic masculinity. This version of masculinity— the way some men think about themselves, their roles, values, behaviour and, more importantly, how they relate to women—is toxic or harmful to others, the community and themselves.

When time runs out for a machine-man

He sat scowling and with eyes intently fixed on me throughout the first part of our meeting. Even when correcting some of what his wife and son had said, he never once took his eyes off me. It made me feel a little uncomfortable.

A good man, but …

The email was unexpected. After all, the couple, my clients for the past eight months, were doing well in their relationship and I had witnessed mutual concern for each other’s wellbeing.

Growing love that transcends countries and cultures

One statistic that recently caught my eye is the number of transnational marriages registered in Singapore in 2022. Such marriages, between a citizen and someone hailing from another country, account for about one out of every three unions. This means that of the nearly 30,000 marriages last year, 10,000 were transnational.

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