You & Your Family

A counsellor’s perspective on suffering

Life can be very unpredictable and some may say unfair. This is especially so when things outside our control happen to us. This includes being born with a disability or into a family where the level of care falls short. Or being betrayed by someone we trust. Or being in the wrong place at the wrong time when hit by a crime. When we find ourselves in such circumstances, we feel like a victim.

Raison de vivre and why I write

This year, as The Methodist Church of Singapore celebrates its 140 years in Singapore, Methodist Message (MM) collated a selection of my over 200 articles into a book entitled Restoration. Among the congratulatory messages received when the book was published, there was one unusual comment.

A victim mentality and the blame game

Life can be very unpredictable and some may say unfair. This is especially so when things outside our control happen to us. This includes being born with a disability or into a family where the level of care falls short. Or being betrayed by someone we trust. Or being in the wrong place at the wrong time when hit by a crime. When we find ourselves in such circumstances, we feel like a victim.

Why it’s important to “be the change”

The sentence, “You must be the change you want to see in your life” is often attributed to the late Mahatma Gandhi, the great social activist and strong advocate of personal empowerment. Regardless of who actually wrote this, it reflects a positive change that I do see in my clients from time to time.

When honouring one parent upsets the other

Honouring our parents is the fifth of the Ten Commandments. While some of us may struggle with keeping this commandment completely and constantly, my client had a particularly tough challenge—how to honour one parent without upsetting the other.

Breaking up before breaking down

A woman in her late twenties sought counselling for her relationship with her boyfriend. In their nine years together, they were twice on the verge of breaking up. On both occasions, she initiated it because of his addiction to pornography. The woman was torn between her unhappiness over his habit* and her feelings for him. These feelings were kept going by his promises to kick the habit and his threat to harm himself if she left him.

Mind your neighbours

An elderly Chinese lady, whom we shall call Sally, contacted the social service agency she frequented for exercise classes to report a concern. Sally said that she had not seen her neighbour—a single, Indian lady a few years younger—for a few days and efforts to call on her went unanswered.

When emotions are muted

Two couples I saw over two days have features in common. Both couples are struggling with the crisis posed by infidelity. Both couples are in their early forties and have young children. All are professing Christians. And with both couples, I am addressing the area of emotions.

How not to make your in-laws your out-laws

When asked some months ago to conduct a workshop on relationships with in-laws, I was both intrigued and challenged. I was intrigued because I had only recently entered the phase of becoming and acquiring in-laws. I was challenged because although it is an important topic, as reflected in the number of clients who have come for counselling for in-law woes, not much research or material has been written about it.

To err is human, to forgive divine

Alexander Pope, a poet during the period of the Enlightenment, was said to be the originator of the statement, “To err is human, to forgive divine.” Though centuries old, it is still apt today. It is much easier to make mistakes than to forgive someone.

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